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Even though someone might want to do something, it doesn’t mean that they will take the next step. Instead, they can continually put it off; with them wondering what it would be like if they do do it.
There might not just be one thing that they continually put off - there could be a number of things. Additionally, there can be the small things and the big things that they put off. A theme If they were to think about how long their life has been this way, they might see that they have been this way for as long as they can remember. As a result of this, when they look back over their life, they can experience a fair amount of regret. They can also have moments when they see other people do things and feel frustrated, angry and even jealous. This is going to be because these people are behaving as they themselves want to behave. What’s going on? What might enter their mind is that they lack something that people like this have, which is why they find it so hard to do things. However, if they were to imagine living differently, they might soon find out why they are this way. So, they can imagine that they want to try something and then end up taking the next step. For example, they could imagine joining a social club, going away, or changing jobs. The Outcome At first, they can feel free, alive and empowered, and they can feel relieved and grateful. But as they won’t be holding back and will be freely expressing themselves, this is to be expected. Nonetheless, as time passes, they can end up feeling anxious and fearful, and have the need to go back to how they were before. If so, this can be a time when they feel restricted but settled. A Strange Scenario Assuming that this takes place, it will show that there is a reason why they are unable to freely express themselves. Yet, as they are here to freely express themselves, not to live in an invisible prison, it could be said that it doesn’t make sense for them to be this way. As strange as this will be, though, if they were able to go back in time and observe their early years, they might gradually understand why behaving in this way feels comfortable. This may have been a stage of their life that was anything but nurturing, with them being heavily undermined. Way Back So, from a very young age, one of their parents might have been unsupportive, critical and often humiliated them. Consequently, when they made a mistake, they would have been made to feel as though they were worthless and unlovable. It was then not that making mistakes and getting things wrong was part of life; no, it was that there was something inherently wrong with them. Not receiving the love and support that they needed would have stopped them from gradually developing a sense of trust in themselves. Another Element Along with this, this parent might have been very controlling and more or less constantly told them what they couldn’t and couldn’t do. Therefore, they wouldn’t have been seen as a separate human being who had their own needs and feelings; they would have been seen as their possession. Having a parent who didn’t allow them to develop self-belief and often made decisions for them would have naturally undermined their ability to listen to themselves and take action. They would have been conditioned to doubt themselves and to believe that other people knew what was best for them. Moving Forward Ultimately, as making mistakes and getting things wrong is part of life, it is not something that they need to fear. Also, if something doesn’t go to plan when they take action, they can learn from the feedback that they receive and have a greater understanding of what they need to do next time. Moreover, as they will have taken action, they won’t have to be filled with regret and be consumed with thoughts such as, “what if I had done... ". What is also likely to be a key part of them being able to change their life is for them to question the conditioning that they received, face and process the pain that they had to repress, and experience their unmet developmental needs. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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