Early Deprivation: Can Someone Have A Fear Of Falling Apart If They Experienced Early Deprivation?

If someone were to step back and reflect on their life, what they may find is that it is a very repetitive life. So, they could work during the week, go shopping a few times, watch TV in the evening, and perhaps see a friend or two.

Regardless of if they live in this way or a way that is very similar, they won’t experience a great deal of variety. What they can also find is that due to the nature of their life, they don't feel very free.

An Analogy

It will be as though they are driving a car, and while they can drive this car anywhere, they continually drive around the same area. Naturally, this is going to cause them to feel frustrated and trapped.

They can have the sense that they are not moving forward in life and are stuck. There can be people in their life who they have watched move forward and gradually build lives that are very fulfilling.

An Activity

However, if they were to imagine changing their behaviour and stepping off their beaten track, they could soon feel uncomfortable. They could be filled with anxiety and fear.

If so, it is not going to be as though they are breaking free from their reactions and are truly living; no, it will be as though something bad is going to happen. Now, it could be said that as they have lived in this way for a long time, it is to be expected tht they would feel uncomfortable.

Another Angle

They will be used to living in this way, so living in a different way will be seen as something that is not safe, to a big part of them. But, if they keep going and don’t allow this discomfort to hold them back, living in another way will start to be seen as safe and they will settle down.

At the same time, there could be another reason why changing their behaviour feels so uncomfortable. There is a chance that they are carrying a lot of unresolved trauma.

A Closer Look

Thanks to this, as restrictive as their life will be, behaving in this way will allow them to keep it together and function. Not behaving in this way, on the other hand, will unlock some of the pain that is inside them, which will unsettle them.

Thus, it is then not that they will simply feel uncomfortable if they change their behaviour because it is unfamiliar. The life that they lead will serve as a defence that stops pain from entering their conscious awareness.

On Unstable Ground

What this means is that they are not behaving in this way because they lack courage or are weak, for instance. They are behaving in this way because they are not in a good way and their system is doing what it can to try to stop them from falling apart.

With this in mind, as freely expressing themselves and living a life of variety would undermine their ability to keep this pain at bay, it is to be expected that they would live in this way. They can also find that they spend a lot of time in their head and are out of touch with their feelings and a number of their needs.

Part of Their Defensive System

This will play a part in stopping them from being overwhelmed by the pain that is outside of their conscious awareness. Additionally, they may find that they often eat a lot, drink a lot, take drugs and/or watch a lot of TV, for instance.

This will be another way for their system to keep them distracted and out of touch with what is going on inside them. Still, over the years, a loss or a breakup may have unlocked some of this pain and made their life unbearable, until they were able to suppress and repress this pain.

Other Symptoms

They could also spend a lot of time feeling anxious and suffering from depression. When it comes to the former, this is likely to be a sign of how much pain they are carrying and that it is close to the surface.

And, when it comes to the latter, this is likely to be a consequence of the fact that their system will do what it can to keep their pain at bay. The outcome of this is that they will feel flat and won’t have much energy as a great deal of their energy will be used to repress how they feel.

What’s going on?

At this point, they could wonder why they are carrying so much pain. What this can illustrate is that their developmental years were not very nurturing, with this being a time when they were greatly deprived and deeply wounded.

From the moment they were born, they might have been neglected and when they did receive care, it might have largely been misattuned care. This is likely to have shown that their mother and perhaps their father were emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

The Same Story

As the years passed and they had moved out of the infant and toddler stage, the neglect may have continued. They may have also been verbally put down and physically harmed as the years passed.

Either way, as they missed out on what they needed to grow and develop in the right way, they would have suffered. To handle what happened, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their needs.

A Tough Time

If this hadn’t taken place, they would have been overwhelmed by pain and their life would have probably come to an end. The years will have passed, of course, since they were a powerless and dependent infant, toddler and a child but their brain and body will be carrying most, if not all, of the pain and arousal that was repressed all those years ago.

Facing and working through this repressed inner material will take courage, patience and persistence. It will be as though they are chipping away at a tree and so, if they go too first, this tree will fall on them and flatten them.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

---

​I​f you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.

• Join my Facebook Page.
• Follow me on Twitter.
• The books I have written.
• Consultations.

Oliver JR Cooper