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If someone were to step back and reflect on their life, what might stand out is that they often behave as though they are worthless. So, they might see that they have the tendency to put up with bad behaviour.
It might not matter if they are with friends or family or are around their partner, that’s if they have one, as it could be the same. During these moments, they might not even think about standing up for themselves, let alone do so. Another Part After this, what might enter their mind is that they don’t believe that they are lovable either. This will then shed light on why they allow their friends, family and partner, if they have one, to treat them badly. They are not going to have the sense that they don’t deserve to be treated badly, as if they did, they would stand up for themselves. What might cross their mind after this is that this has caused them to overlook a number of their needs. Living on scraps Along with their relationships not being very fulfilling, what they do for a living might not be much better. They could do something that is soul-destroying, with them being happy to leave at the end of each day. This could be something that they have done for many, many years, and the job that they had before might not have been any different. But as with being treated badly, they might not believe that they have another option. External Feedback If they were to talk about how they are experiencing life with a friend who values them, this friend could be very understanding and supportive. They could say that how they see themselves is not accurate. This friend could also make it clear that they deserve to be valued, loved and live a life where their needs are met. After they have had this conversation, they could wonder why they have such a negative view of themselves. A Closer Look At first, they might not know why they are this way, or they might believe that they were just born this way. Then again, they might think back to their early years and see that this stage of their life wasn’t very nurturing. They might remember that one of their parents often treated them as though they were nothing. This parent might have often put them down, ignored them, humiliated them, and even physically harmed them. The Outcome When it comes to their other parent, they might not have been around, or they might have lacked backbone, been withdrawn and not done anything about what was going on. As a result of this, they would have missed out on the attunement, mirroring, care, affection, support and protection that they needed. Most likely, one or both of their parents was a deeply wounded human being who couldn’t provide them with what they needed, as they themselves had also been greatly deprived and deeply wounded early on. But although this is likely to have been the case, as they were egocentric, they would have personalised what took place. The meaning It was then not that their parent or parents were not in a good way and unconsciously projected disowned parts of themselves into them; no, it was that they were worthless, unlovable and had no right to exist. They would have also come to believe that their needs and feelings were bad. To handle seldom, if ever, having a number of their developmental needs met and the pain that this caused them, they would have gradually lost touch with their embodied, connected, and fully feeling true self. In its place would have been the creation of a disembodied, disconnected and not fully feeling false self. Two parts Taking all this into account, they would have ended up with an inaccurate view of themselves, their needs and feelings and lost touch with their body. For this to change, they will have a number of steps to take. They will have beliefs to question, pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience, among other things. This will take courage, support, patience and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 29 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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