|
For a while now, someone may have realised that they find it hard to freely express themselves. Instead, what can be normal is for them to behave how other people want them to behave, along with how they think they want them to.
They can see that this is something that takes place automatically, as opposed to something that they consciously chose to do. But although they will have the inclination to hide themselves, they can be used to receiving positive feedback. One Scenario The people in their lives can often say that they are very understanding and helpful. What these people might not know is that, even though they are there for them, they are seldom there for themselves. Due to this, the positive feedback that they receive from others is not going to make up for the fact that they spend a lot of time abandoning themselves. They can see that they spend a lot of time feeling anxious and fearful, frustrated and angry, and helpless and hopeless. A Bleak Existence When they think about their life, they can see that not only do they ignore their needs, but that their life as a whole doesn’t really reflect who they are. In a way, it can be as if they are living a life that someone else has created for them. At this point, they can wonder why it is so difficult for them to be connected to and express their needs. They can see that unless this changes, they will continue to live a life that doesn’t serve them. A Closer Look If they were to step back and reflect on what takes place inside them before they behave in a certain way, what they may see is that their attention is on what is going on externally. They are then looking toward the external world for guidance on how they need to behave. Therefore, they won’t tune into themselves and make their own decision about how they need to behave. No, they will look to their environment to define how they will behave. Out of Balance It would be easy to say that the ideal would be for them to be completely directed by their inner world and to overlook what is going on externally, but this wouldn’t be any better. Of course, they would be able to freely express themselves, but by having no concern for others, they would also pay a price. This shows that being overly focused on adapting to others is not going to be in their best interest, but having no concern for other people's needs or feelings is also not the answer. After thinking about this, they could wonder why they have gone so far to one side of the spectrum. What’s going on? Thanks to how they are, they won’t have trouble thinking before they act, thinking about the impact their behaviour has on others, or noticing patterns. Their challenge will be for them to let go and trust that they can freely express themselves without something bad happening. The reason why they are like a prisoner without a cell is that their early years may have been a time when it was like they were a prisoner. One or both of their parents might have been like a prison warden who watched just about their every move and made it clear what they could or couldn’t do. A Brutal Time It was then as though they were on a stage with a bright light shining on them, and their behaviour was constantly scrutinised. Assuming that it was one parent who was like this, if they freely expressed themselves, they might have been put down, humiliated, hit or abandoned. Consequently, they would have soon learned that it wasn’t safe for them to be themselves, and this would have caused them to gradually lose touch with their embodied, connected, and fully feeling true self. In its place would have been the creation of a disembodied, disconnected and not fully feeling false self. Another Part Furthermore, they would have developed a very strong superego. In other words, they would have internalised their parents' critical voice, and this voice would have done its best to ensure that they didn’t step out of line, so to speak. This inner self would have made them very good at observing themselves, but not very good at expressing themselves. Their experiencing self would have gradually come to be dominated by their observing self. It’s over This self would have protected them very early on, but now it will be preventing them from living a fulfilling life. For them to gradually make this inner self more supportive, reconnect to their body and feel safe enough to be themselves, there will be a number of steps for them to take. They will have beliefs to question, pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, support, patience and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
0 Comments
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply. |
 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 29 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
To book your 15-Minute Introductory Consultation, click here.
Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
My Books...
|