Early Deprivation: Can Someone Have The Need To Behave As An Object If They Were Abused As A Child?

What someone may find, if they were to step back and reflect on their life, is that they have the tendency to act as if they are an object that exists to serve others. So, they could find that they are often doing things for others and seldom there for themselves.

Therefore, if they are not working, for instance, they could be helping a friend or a family member with something. They might also see that when they are asked if they can help, they generally say yes without even checking in with themselves.

Another Part

It will then be as though they have been programmed to be there for others and to ignore their own needs. Moreover, there can be moments when they offer to help another, without even taking the time to think about if they have the time or energy to do so.

Living in this way is naturally going to take a lot out of them and they could spend a lot of time feeling drained. Not only this, but they can often feel down and this can partly be because they are being deprived and party because of the anger that they have suppressed.

A Different Reality

What is clear from this is that in order for them to live a fulfilling life, they will need to start listening to themselves and doing what is right for them. If this doesn’t take place, they will continue to abandon themselves.

However, although this is what they will need to do, it doesn’t mean that they will just be able to change their behaviour. Instead, they can have the need to behave in the same way.

Inner Conflict

Or to be accurate, a small part of them can want to behave differently, while a bigger, stronger part of them, can want to behave in the same way. If so, they can wonder why behaving in a way that is not serving them feels comfortable.

For them to find out what is going on, they can imagine that they live a life where they listen to themselves and do what is right for them. At first, they can feel free and empowered but, as time passes, they can have a very different experience.

A Closer Look

This can be a time when they will be filled with fear and anxiety. From this, it will show that they don’t feel safe enough to listen to and freely express themselves.

For them to survive, then, they will need to act as though they are an extension of others, as opposed to a separate human being who has their own needs and feelings. With this in mind, it is not a surprise that they have the inclination to turn their back on themselves.

What’s going on?

One way of looking at this would be to say that it is irrational for them to have this inner experience when they listen to themselves and do what is right for them. If they lived under a dictator, this wouldn’t be the case but they don’t.

This is not to say that there won’t be moments when some people are annoyed and even upset when they say no but that’s just part of life. This is no different to how there will be times when they are annoyed and upset when they are told no.

Going Deeper

Nonetheless, while it can seem as if what is going on for them is irrational, what is there is more to it? What if there was a stage of their life when it wasn’t safe for them to listen to and freely express themselves?

If they were able to go back in time and observe what it was like for them through their early years, how they behave as an adult might gradually make sense. This stage of their life or at least part of it may have been a time when they were treated like an object.

A Brutal Time

In the eyes of one or both of their parents and perhaps others, they could have been there to meet their needs. Apart from them understanding that they had basic needs, such as the need to eat, sleep and be clothed, for instance, it might not have occurred to them that they had other needs.

A number of their needs, such as their emotional needs, would then have rarely, if ever, been met. And, if they did resist what was going on, one or both of their parents might have hit and/or isolated them.

A Big Impact

Not receiving the attunement and care that they needed would have caused them to be greatly deprived and deeply wounded. To handle what happened, they would have had to lose touch with their feelings and a number of their needs.

This would have involved them losing touch with their connected, true self and developing a disconnected, false self. Ultimately, they had to lose touch with themselves as they were unable to change their environment.

Another Element

Furthermore, as they were egocentric, they would have come to believe that their needs and feelings were bad, and that they were worthless and unlovable. They would have also been sent the message that other people owned them.

They wouldn’t have learnt that they own themselves and have the right to do what is right for them and say no. Most likely, one or both of their parents were also brought up in the same way, and, for whatever reason, were unable to become aware of, let alone deal with their own wounds.

Moving Forward

For them to realise that they own themselves and have the right to and can survive by doing what is right for them, they are likely to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk