Early Deprivation: Can Someone Hide Themselves If They Had A Narcissistic Mother?

Even though someone is a separate human being who has their own needs and feelings and life to lead, it doesn’t mean that they will typically come across in this way. In general, it can be as though they are an extension of others and are here to meet their needs.

So, when they are around another or others, they can focus on their needs and do what they can to meet them. They are then likely to be very attentive, understanding and helpful.

The Other Side

If this is what they are like, when a friend or family member is in their presence, they are likely to feel seen, heard and supported. Thanks to this, they will probably enjoy spending time with them and appreciate having them in their life.

There can also be those in their life who are so caught up with their own needs that they just take their presence for granted. Someone like this can believe that they are entitled to their presence and not feel, let alone show, any level of appreciation.

A Frustrating Existence

Thanks to how they live, it is going to be normal for them to ignore a number of their needs and how they feel. As a result of this, being deprived is going to be something that they are accustomed to.

They can often feel down, frustrated, invisible, lonely, and as though they don’t even exist. But, they can do or take something to change how they feel, which will stop them from facing and then looking into why their life is this way.

Another Direction

Assuming that they started to face how they felt and no longer avoided their inner world, they might gradually see that they feel this way because they rarely, if ever, show up around others. They might see that with certain people they do, but this is the exception.

After this, they might see that when they are around another person and become someone else, they don’t choose to do this. It can be as if something takes over and they lose the ability to be themselves.

A Closer Look

If they were to imagine that they are around another person, they may find that they end up losing touch with how they feel and their needs and focusing on what is going on for them. After this, they do what they can to be there for them and respond in a certain way.

They will then abandon themselves and act as though it is their purpose to meet their needs. This is then going to be a one-sided interaction, with them acting like a parental figure who is there to mother and/or father the other person.

An Exercise

If they were to stay with this scenario and instead of being this way, stayed connected to their inner world and freely expressed themselves, along with connecting to what was going on for the other person and being responsive, they might feel anxious and fearful. This inner discomfort can be so strong that they have the need to go back to how they were before.

After this, they can wonder why turning their back on themselves around others feels comfortable, while staying connected to themselves doesn’t. What might enter their mind after this is that they have behaved in this way for as long as they can remember.

Going Deeper

As confusing as this will be, if they were able to go back in time and observe their early years, they might understand why they are this way. The reason for this is that during this stage of their life, they might have had a mother who was emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

Moreover, she might have seen them as nothing more than an extension of herself and expected them to meet some of her needs. Thus, they would have missed out on the attunement, care and support that they needed to grow and develop in the right way.

A Brutal Time

Being rejected, ignored, and abandoned would then have been a common occurrence throughout this stage of their life. And, if they did freely express themselves and didn’t play the role that their mother expected them to play, they are likely to have suffered even more.

To handle not having a number of their needs consistently met and the pain that this caused them, they would have lost touch with their connected true self and developed a disconnected and outer-directed false self. Losing touch with themselves and being who she wanted them to be and behaving how she wanted them to behave would have been a way for them to not only avoid being rejected and abandoned, but also to try to be acknowledged by her and loved.

Its over

As they are now an adult, this stage of their, so they no longer need to behave in this way. However, due to how they adapted and the meaning that their undeveloped brain made, they won’t realise this.

To a big part of them, being connected to and freely expressing themselves will cause them to be rejected and abandoned and for their life to end. Also, they will believe that their needs and feelings are bad, are worthless and unlovable and that they have no right to live their own life.

Moving Forward

The truth is that there is nothing wrong with their needs or feelings, they have inherent worth and are lovable, and they have the right to live their own life. Most likely, their mother was a deeply wounded human being who simply couldn’t give them what they needed.

For them to realise the truth about themselves, they are going to have beliefs to question, pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, support, patience and persistence.
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Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk