Early Deprivation: Can Someone Lack A Felt Sense Of Belonging If They Experienced Early Deprivation?

Even though someone has the right to be here and have their needs met, it doesn’t mean that they will know this at the core of their being. Instead, deep down, they can have the sense that they don’t deserve to be here or have their needs met.

Now, although this is something that they can be fully aware of, it could also be something that they are unaware of. If they are in the first position, they will be able to do something about this.

Another Reality

However, if they are in the second position, it won’t be possible for them to do anything about it. What is going on for them at a deeper level will then be running their life and they are likely to suffer in a variety of ways.

So, due to what is going on for them, they can have the tendency to feel lonely and to be on the outside in life. They might not have any close friends or be in an intimate relationship.

One Area

This could be how their life had been for many, many years. They are then typically going to be deprived of the human contact that they need to be at their best.

What this comes down to is that as they are an interdependent human being, they need others. If they were purely independent, it wouldn’t matter if they rarely if ever experienced human warmth and affection.

Another Area

Now, if they have a job, they could do something that is soul-destroying and have been in this job for years. Or, this is a job that is fairly new, their last job might not have been much different.

But, as bleak as it will be for them to have this job, this can be seen as the only option that they have. They could think about the people who have a job that is very fulfilling and see this as something that is not an option for them.

A Miserable Existence

They are then going to have the sense, perhaps an unconscious sense, that although other people can live a life that is fulfilling, they are unable to live a life like this. If they were to think about why their life is this way, they could conclude that they are unlucky.

They might also believe that they lack something that other people have. Consequently, they will just have to tolerate what is going on and do the best that they can to keep going.

What’s going on?

If something were to take place that caused them to take a step back and reflect on their life and on what is taking place inside them, they could soon see that they don’t have a felt sense that they deserve to be here or have their needs met. At this point, they could wonder why this is.

If they were to see that they have been this way for as long as they can remember, it can show that their early years were not very nurturing. This may have been a time when they were deprived and deeply wounded.

Back In Time

Throughout this stage of their life, their mother and perhaps their father might have largely been emotionally available and out of reach. Along with this, one or both of them might have been critical and/or physically abusive.

This would have prevented them from receiving the attunement and care that they needed to develop a felt sense of belonging. If this hadn’t taken place, they would have known that they belong and are worthy and deserving of being here and having their needs met.

An Outsider

By missing out on the emotional nutrients that they needed to grow and develop in the right way, they would have felt unwanted, rejected, unworthy and undeserving of having their needs met and being alive. However, while this is how they would have responded to the lack of love that was on offer, they didn’t deserve to be treated in this way.

This then means that they are worthy and deserving of being here and having their needs met. The reason that their parent or parents didn’t give them what they needed was most likely because they didn’t have it to give.

It wasn’t Personal

But, as they were egocentric at this stage of their life, they would have believed that there was something wrong with them. Another part of this is that by blaming themselves, they were able to live in the hope, the false hope, that if they did what their parent or parents wanted, they would finally be loved.

For them to change their life, they are likely to have a lot of pain to work through, among other things. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk