Early Deprivation: Can Someone Sacrifice Themselves For Others If They Experienced Early Deprivation?

Even though someone will be a separate individual who has their own needs, feelings and life to lead, it doesn’t mean that they will typically act like one. Due to this, they can typically act as though they are an extension of others and are here to take care of them.

The outcome of this is that it will be normal for them to ignore their own needs and to meet other people’s needs. If they are not at work, sleeping or eating, they could be doing something for another person.

Always Available

However, even if they are at work, are sleeping or are eating, it doesn’t mean that they won’t be out of reach to the people in their life. Another person can then contact them, and they can put their work to one side, wake up or stop eating and be there for them.

They can end up messaging them, or they can call them. Then again, it might go further than this, as they could end up going to see them, or they could say that they will go and see them later in the day, for instance.

A Few Scenarios

Their friends and perhaps family could largely need their emotional support, with them listening to what they are going through and being understanding. At other times, they might need financial support, with them needing them pay small and big bills.

There can also be times when they need help getting from one place to another. Taking all this into account, they are going to be more like these people’s parent than their friend, sibling or child.

Taken For Granted

Some, if not all, of these people could often show their appreciation for what they do for them. So, they could thank them for what they do, buy them things, and cook them meals.

Alternatively, there might be moments when they are thanked for what they do, but that could generally be about as far as it will go. These people might largely make out that they are entitled to their attention, time and resources.

A Strong Reaction

If this is so, if they haven’t been able to be there for them, they might have criticised. A friend or family member could have accused them of being selfish and not caring about others.

Assuming that this has taken place, they might have ended up feeling guilty and ashamed. It then won’t be that they did the right thing by putting themselves; no, they will have done the wrong thing and will have been selfish.

A Draining Existence

Giving so much of themselves to others and overlooking a number of their needs is naturally going to take its toll on them. They will constantly be pouring into other people’s cups, so to speak, while their cup will seldom be filled up.

As a result, they can spend a lot of time feeling drained, and they can experience a lot of resentment. They are then going to spend a lot of time running on empty and can often be passive-aggressive.

The Point of No Return

Due to how out of alignment they are with themselves and the impact this is having, there is likely to come a time when they are unable to behave in this way. At this point, they can be so exhausted and fed up that they are forced to change.

Their body will have gotten to the point where it has said, enough is enough, and because of this, their mind will be forced to follow suit. This doesn’t mean that their need to be there for others and ignore themselves will no longer exist; what it means is that it won’t have the same impact as it did before. 

Confusion

At this stage, they can wonder why they have such a strong need to be there for others and feel so bad when they put themselves first. But, as confusing as this will be, if they were able to go back in time and observe their early years, it might gradually make sense.

This may have been a time when one or both of their parents were emotionally unavailable and out of reach. Furthermore, one or both of them might have looked to them to meet a number of their needs.

The Outcome

They would then have not only missed out on the attunement, care, affection and support that they needed, but they would have also had to provide some of the things that they needed. A time when they needed to receive was then a time when they were forced to give.

And when they did express certain needs and feelings, they were likely to have been punished in some way. They might have been criticised, rejected, abandoned and/or hit.

The Message

As they were egocentric, they would have personalised what took place. It was then not that one or both of their parents couldn’t provide them with what they needed, but that their needs and feelings were bad, and that they were worthless and unlovable.

To handle being greatly deprived and deeply wounded, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their needs. This would have involved them losing touch with their embodied, connected, and fully feeling true self and developing a disembodied, disconnected, and not fully feeling false self.

Moving Forward

The truth is that their needs and feelings are not bad, and they are not worthless or unlovable. For them to be there for themselves and be able to say no to others without feeling bad or as though they will be left and their life will come to an end, there will be a number of steps for them to take.

They will have beliefs to question, pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience, among other things. This will take courage, support, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk