Early Deprivation: Can Someone See Themselves As An Object If Their Parent Treated Them Like One?

Although someone is a human being, and has needs, feelings and inherent worth, it doesn’t mean that they will act like one. Instead, they can typically act as though they are an object that exists to meet other people’s needs.

The outcome of this is that they will typically ignore a number of their needs and feelings, and will only feel valuable if they are doing things. As a result of this, they are going to be deprived and are likely to seldom, if ever, relax and take it easy.

The Norm

However, even though they will be out of balance, this might not be something that they are consciously aware of. This can primarily be because behaving in this way is just what is normal.

But, even if someone were to point out that they work a lot and do a lot for others, it might not go in. Instead, they could deny what they hear or they might not say anything about it.

One Area

Anyway, when it comes to their relationships, they could spend a lot of time doing things for their family and/or friends. In general, they might not need to be asked to do things for them as they could automatically be there for them.

But, no matter what they do for others, these people might not be overly thankful and could just expect them to be there for them. Therefore, if they were unable to be there for them, they could end up criticising them.

Being Used

If this takes place, it will be clear that these people are unable to accept that they are a separate human being. It will be as if their sole purpose is to meet other people’s needs.

Due to this, it won’t occur to them that they have their own needs and life to lead. From this, it will be clear that they don’t value them for who they are; they value them for what they do for them.

A Tiring Existence

Naturally, as they spend a lot of time meeting other people’s needs and very little time meeting their own, they are going to pay a heavy price. For example, it can often be difficult for them to get out of bed and they can often feel drained.

Still, they can seldom, if ever, pay attention to what is going on inside them. If they do, they can believe that they just suffer from depression or that they just have a lot going on, for instance.

Stepping Back

If they were to arrive at the point where they no longer have the energy or desire to behave in this way, they could end up reflecting on their life. At this stage, they can wonder why they are so focused on others and are unable to put themselves first.

For them to gain a deeper understanding of what is going on, they can imagine that they were to start saying no to others and meeting their own needs. At first, they can feel relieved and grateful.

The Next Stage

After a while, though, they could start to feel anxious and fearful, and guilty and ashamed. If so, it will be as though changing their behaviour is a threat to their survival and that they would be doing something wrong.

What is clear from this is that they only feel safe and good when they are behaving like an object. As strange as this might appear to be, if they were able to go back in time and observe their formative years, it might gradually make sense.

Back In Time

The reason for this is that this may have been a stage of their life when one or both of their parents treated them like they were nothing more than an object that were there to serve their needs. It then wouldn’t have occurred to their parent or parents that they had their own needs and feelings and their own life to lead.

If one of their parents was this way, they would have had to adapt to their needs, and be who they wanted them to be and do what they wanted them to do. This would have meant that they were deprived of the attunement and care that they needed to grow and develop in the right way.

Another Element

The connection that they had to their connected true self would have been severed and they would have developed a disconnected and outer-directed false self. They would have also come to believe that their needs and feelings were bad and that they were worthless and unlovable.

This stage of their life will then be over, but thanks to how they adapted, they won’t just be able to change their behaviour. If they do, as old associations will be activated and repressed pain will be unlocked, their inner world will be hijacked and they will lose the ability to freely express themselves.

Moving Forward

For them to no longer behave like a human doing and be a human being, they are likely to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If they can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk