Early Deprivation: Can Someone’s Sense Of Self Be Built On Pain If They Experienced Early Deprivation?

Even though someone has a body, it doesn’t mean that they will typically inhabit their body. Instead, they can live in their head, with them having a weak connection with their body.

As a result of this, they are going to live on the surface of themselves and they won’t have access to all of their consciousness. In other words, they won’t have access to all of their need and feelings.

The norm

Nonetheless, if this is just what is normal, they are unlikely to be aware of how disconnected they are and how out of touch they are with certain needs and feelings. There is then going to be no reason for them to change how they experience life.

So, when it comes to the sense that they have of themselves, it will be attached to their mind and what is taking place in this part of them. What is also likely to play a part in this are the things that they are interested in and the people in their life, for instance.

Another Element

Still, although they won’t be rooted in their body and aware of what is going on in this part of them, it doesn’t mean that what is held in this other part of them won’t impact them. So, they can often suffer from anxiety, with this making it hard for them to feel at ease and concentrate.

At other moments, they can feel very low and flat, with it being a challenge for them to get anything done. If this is the case and they are aware of this, they could believe that they were just born this way or that they have a ‘chemical imbalance’, for instance.

One Direction

Consequently, they might end up trying to change their thoughts and even going on medication. If they do go down this route, they might be able to function better but they won’t get to the root of what is going on.

There is a chance that what is taking place in this part of them might end up coming back stronger and it might not be possible for them to avoid it. If this does take place and they find it hard to function, they can end up looking deeper.

Another Direction

At first, they can believe that their mind is the problem and that they just have ‘mental health’ issues. But, after seeing that they haven’t had a good connection with their needs and feelings or their body for as long as they can remember, they can see that there is far more to it than this.

It might occur to them that they have been identified with their mind and ignored their body for most of their life. Their sense of themselves will then have only included a small part of them.

What’s going on?

What this can show is that their early years were anything but nurturing, with this being a time when they suffered immensely. Practically from the moment that they were born, they might have missed out on the care that they needed.

And, when they did receive care, it might have often been misattuned care. This would have caused them to be greatly deprived and deeply wounded.

One option

To handle the pain that they were in, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their needs. This would have involved them losing touch with their connected and embodied, true self, and creating a disconnected and disembodied, false self.

If they were connected to their body when they were born and hadn’t been traumatised in their mother’s womb, they would have soon been uprooted from their body. As they were powerless and dependent and couldn’t change or leave their environment, their only option was for them to change and leave themselves.

The Outcome

So, as they missed out on what they needed to stay connected to their body and develop a sense of self that involved this part of them, they were forced to create a sense of self on top of their traumatised true self. This self would have kept their true feelings and developmental needs at bay, and thereby, allowed them to keep it together and function.

Many years will have passed since they were powerless and dependent but due to the pain and unmet developmental needs, among other things, that they are carrying in other parts of their brain and body, they won’t be able to embrace all of themselves. For them to be firmly rooted in their body and have access to all of their needs and feelings, they are going to have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk