Early Deprivation: Does A Man Need A Developed Feminine Aspect To Have A Developed Masculine Aspect?

If a man finds it hard to be assertive, take action and be emotionally centred, for instance, it can seem as though he has an underdeveloped masculine aspect. This is because this part of him will seemingly give him the power that he needs to stand up for himself, get things done, and provide the strength that he needs to handle how he feels.

With this in mind, this side of him will need to develop in order for his life to change. The focus can then be on what is taking place in his mind, so looking at the thoughts that he usually has and what he believes.

The First Part

He may find that he often experiences negative thoughts and has a number of limiting beliefs. Therefore, by replacing his negative thoughts with positive thoughts and questioning what he believes, he might gradually find that he is able to be assertive, get things done and be more balanced emotionally.

At the same time, after going down this path, he may find that his life doesn’t really change. If this is the case, he might conclude that he just needs to keep going and, sooner or later, his life will change.

External Feedback

Alternatively, he might wonder if he needs to try another approach, and this could cause him to speak to a trusted male friend about what is going on. During this time, his friend could say that he just needs to keep going.

Then again, this friend could say that for him to activate the masculine side of his nature, he needs to activate the feminine side of his nature. He could also say that this side of his nature will provide him with the foundations that he needs to be in his power.

Confusion

After hearing this, he could feel confused and wonder why this other part of him has a part to play. For example, he could see this other part of him as being what is preventing him from standing his ground, being assertive and being emotionally unsettled.

Ergo, this part of him will be the problem; it won’t be something that will help him experience life differently. However, although this can appear to be the case, what if this isn’t the truth?

Another Angle

What if, the way for him to be in his masculine power is for him to also have a strong feminine aspect? If he doesn’t dismiss this, he can wonder what he can do to have a strong feminine aspect.

But, before then, he can wonder why this part of him isn’t strong. If he were able to go back in time and observe his early years, he might gradually realise why this is.

Back in Time

The reason for this is that what his relationship was like with his mother during the first stage of his life would have played a big part in how developed this side of him is. This is because this would have been a time when he was emotionally undeveloped and needed his mother to respond in a certain way to be able to experience an emotional birth.

Thus, as this side of him is not very developed, this was probably a stage of his life when his mother didn’t consistently provide him with the attunement, care, mirroring, support and love that he needed. This would have caused him to be greatly deprived and deeply wounded.

The outcome

What this would have done is stop him from being able to develop a strong core. To handle not having his needs met and the pain that this caused him, he would have lost touch with his connected true self and developed a disconnected false self.

This would have allowed him to keep it together and function, but he would have been all at sea at an emotional level. Naturally, being this way wouldn’t have given him the inner stability that he needed to freely express himself and or be able to handle how he feels.

The Same Story

Many years will have passed since that stage of his life, but as he will still be in an emotionally underdeveloped and traumatised state, he will still be in the same position. For his life to change, then, he will need to settle down at an emotional level and feel secure within himself.

For this to take place, he will have pain to face and process and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, support, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk