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Right now, a woman may be with a man who is emotionally unavailable and out of reach. However, when she thinks about what it was like when they first started spending time together, she might see that he was very different.
Then again, she might see that the signs were there, but that she just ignored them. Along with this, her friend might have also pointed out that he was not ready to have a relationship, but she might have ignored them, too. A Strange Scenario If she did ignore the signs, she might wonder if there is something wrong with her. She could also criticise herself for not paying attention to how he behaved and perhaps for being overly focused on what he said. Furthermore, she might see that this is not the first time that she has been in this position. For example, she might see that the man she was with last and the time before that were also the same. What’s going on? Assuming that she has been in this position on a number of occasions, there is a chance that she is unconsciously replaying her childhood. This is because a big part of her can be trying to receive what she missed out on. If so, this would have been a stage of her life when she was greatly deprived and deeply wounded. Instead of receiving the attunement, care, affection and support that she needed, she would have often been ignored, rejected and abandoned. A Tough Time Her mother and perhaps her father would then have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach. Due to this, they were unable to provide her with what she needed to grow and develop in the right way. As she was powerless and dependent, she would have had to adapt to them. This would have involved her losing touch with her embodied, connected, and fully feeling true self and creating a disembodied, disconnected, and not fully feeling false self. Another Part She would have also lived in the hope that, by becoming who they wanted and behaving how they wanted, she would be loved. Blocking out what was going on externally and internally was then a vital part of her having this false hope. But as hopeless and helpless as she was, this false hope would have played a key part in her being able to keep it together and function. The reason for this is that it would have aided in repression and allowed her to release tension. It’s over Many years will have passed since this stage of her life, but at a deeper, emotional level, she won’t have a sense of time and will be blind, which is why she will unconsciously recreate her depriving past. This part of her will not only cause her to be pulled to a man who is unavailable but will also hijack her brain and prevent her from seeing clearly. To this part, it will then be as if she is in the company of her mother or father and like then, her brain will automatically block out reality and will engage in the original struggle to try to be loved by someone who can’t love her. This part of her won't realise that this stage of her life is over and another man is not her mother or father, as it has no sense of time and is blind. Anchored to the past As far as this part is concerned, if she blocks out what he is like and struggles, she will finally be loved. Taking this into account, she is not consciously choosing to ignore what a man is like. Her brain is doing this to protect her, as if she were to see him clearly, some of the pain that she experienced as a child would enter her conscious awareness. This would have been a time when she didn’t just feel helpless and hopeless, she was hopeless and hopeless, and how she felt had to be repressed to ensure that she survived. A New Reality Therefore, in order for her to no longer block out reality and to be able to see a man more clearly, she will have pain to face and process and unmet developmental needs to experience. By doing this, her unconscious pull to men who are out of reach will also lessen, as her need to receive the love that she missed out on will decrease. This will take courage, support, patience and persistence. Awareness If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 29 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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