Early Deprivation: Will Someone Need To Experience An Emotional Birth If They Experienced Early Deprivation?

Even if someone’s early years were a time when they were greatly deprived and deeply wounded, it doesn’t mean that they will be consciously aware of this. If they were to think about this stage of their life, they could think about how it wasn’t that bad.

They might even have a fairly positive view of their mother and father, believing that they did the best that they could. Additionally, they might believe that this stage of their life is in the past and no longer matters.

The past is present

However, if they have this outlook, it doesn’t mean that the signs won’t be there that this stage of their life is still impacting them. But, as they are unable to see this connection, they won’t be able to join the dots, so to speak.

As a result, what they are going through can be seen as being caused by other things. For example, they can often feel low and depressed, with it being difficult for them to handle life.

The Cause

What they are going through could be put down to them having a “chemical imbalance” and being born this way. Consequently, they could end up being put on medication, which might allow them to function better.

But, even if it does, it won’t allow them to gain a deeper understanding of why their life is this way and resolve what is going on for them at a deeper level. Also, they might arrive at the stage where this approach no longer works.

Stepping Back

Now, regardless of whether they go down this route, they could end up taking a step back and reflecting on their life. During this time, they can see that not only do they often feel down and depressed, but that they also spend a lot of time feeling empty.

It can be as if they are missing something, and this is why they have trouble feeling good about themselves. Furthermore, what might enter their mind is that they only feel a sense of wholeness if they are dating or in a relationship.

The other Side

And, when their time with another comes to an end, they typically feel very low and as though they have lost part of themselves. If so, over the years, they may have thought about how they need another person to complete them.

Yet, based on how they will feel when they are not with anyone, this is not going to be a surprise. Their emotional self will create the impression that they are not whole and complete as they are.

Confusion

But, as if they were to take the time to think about what their early years were like, they might gradually remember things that shed light on why they are this way. For example, they might remember that there were moments when they were left and that one or both of their parents was out of reach.

Moreover, if they were able to go back in time and observe what it was like for them when they were an infant and then a toddler, they might see that they missed out on the attunement and care that they needed. If this were the case, they wouldn’t have received what they needed to experience an emotional birth.

Two Births

In order for them to have experienced not just a physical but also an emotional birth, they needed to receive the right attunement and care from the moment that they were born. What this illustrates is that they were not born with a felt sense of being whole and complete.

This was something that was completely dependent on them receiving the right responses. As this didn’t take place, then, they would have stayed in an emotionally underdeveloped state.

A Brutal Time

To handle not receiving what they needed, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their needs. This would have removed the pain that they were in and the needs that were not being met from their conscious awareness.

What this would have done is allow them to keep it together and function. If this hadn’t occurred, they probably would have died.

Seeping Through

To help keep this pain at bay, as repression won’t have been enough, they would have struggled to be loved. This is because they would have hoped that if they struggled, they would be loved.

But, as their mother and perhaps their father were unlikely to be able to provide them with what they needed, it wouldn’t have mattered what they did. Many years will have passed since then, but the pain that is inside them will heavily influence how they feel and the thoughts they have, and they will still be struggling for the love that they missed out on.

Moving Froward

Taking this into account, for them to no longer try to receive the love that they missed out on and experience an emotional birth, they are going to have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk