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If a woman were to step back and reflect on her life, what she may see is that when she is dating a man, she has the need to break him down. So, she might see that it doesn’t take long before she is critical, tries to embarrass him and is controlling.
He will then be someone who she is supposed to support and love as time passes, but, she will act as if he is her enemy and it is her purpose to undermine him. The man can then be in his power at one point and a shadow of the man he was at another. A Common Occurrence She might see that this has happened on a number of occasions and has been going on for most of her adult life. Yet, as she has reflected on this area of her life, it is likely to show that part of her no longer wants to behave in this way. This part of her could wonder why she treats a man like this and why she is so cruel. Still, she can be aware of another part of her that wants to treat a man in this way and even enjoys doing it. Inner Conflict What she can find is that after she has worn a man down, and assuming that he hasn’t cut his ties with her before he has been completely undermined, is that she wants him to stand up to her. But, as he won’t be in his power at this stage, he is unlikely to do this. Thus, she will do something that ends up having the opposite effect of what she actually wants. Along with wondering why she treats a man in this way, then, she can also wonder why she tears a man down and ends up looking toward him to stand up to her. A Strange Scenario What could cross her mind is that this point is that there must be something wrong with her. There is a chance that she is behaving in this way because of what took place during her formative years and the impact it had on her. If she were to think about this stage of her life, she may say that it wasn’t that bad and that she was loved by her mother and father, for instance. This may be the case, or there could be far more to it. A Closer Look Her brain might have blocked out what really took place to allow her to keep it together and function. This will cause her conscious mind to forget about what happened, while her unconscious mind will remember. The outcome of this is that what took place and the impact that it had on her will continue to influence her life, but she will be oblivious to this. Anyway, this stage of her life is unlikely to have been very nurturing. Back In Time She might have had a mother who was passive and not in her power and a father who was abusive. Or, she might have had a mother who was abusive and a father who was passive and not in his power. Either way, this is likely to have been a time when she didn’t feel safe, secure or wanted, due to not having received the love and protection that she needed to grow and develop in the right way. To handle what happened, her brain would have repressed how she felt and a number of her needs. Another Part This would have caused her to lose touch with her connected and embodied true self, with her developing a disconnected, disembodied and perhaps inflated false self. Not being connected to her body would have involved her losing touch with her softer side. The hard shell that was formed in its place would have protected her against the neglect and verbal and perhaps physical abuse that she experienced. Ultimately, if she hadn’t grown up in an environment where she felt unsafe, vulnerable, worthless and unloved, she probably wouldn’t have needed to adapt in this way. A Replay What took place will be in the past, of course, but a big part of her will still be trying to receive the love that she missed out on. Her being attracted to a man who is not in his power or who loses it through her efforts will be what feels safe. However, the part of her that only feels safe being with a man who is not in his power will also want to be with a man who is strong and thus, who will stand up for and protect her. The man, to this part of her, will represent her mother and/or father and will be seen as someone who can give her what she missed out on as a child. Frozen In Time What this illustrates is that this part of her is blind and has no sense of time, which is why it can’t accept that another man is not her mother and/or father and that even if he was; it is too late for her to receive what she missed out on. Therefore, no matter how many times she tears a man down and tries to make him into the parent that she never had, it won’t change what is going on for her at a deeper level. Each time, she will end up being deprived, just as she was as a child. She is then likely to experience some, if not all, of the feelings that she experienced all those years ago. Moving Forward For her to no longer try to meet her unmet developmental needs, to be with a man who is in his power and to embrace her femininity, she will have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence. Awareness If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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