Entitlement: Can Developmental Trauma Stop Someone From Developing A Healthy Sense Of Entitlement?

What could stand out, that’s if someone was to step back and reflect on their life, is that they give a lot but they don’t receive much back. After this, they could find that they don’t believe that they deserve to have what they need and want.

Due to this, it is not going to matter how much they give, as it won’t change how they feel.  Upon realising this, they could wonder why they are this way and if their life will ever change.

Missing Out

There is the chance that they have been this way for as long as they can remember, causing them to believe that they were simply born this way. Unlike others, then, they will be missing something that is very important; feeling worthy.

Also, in addition to what they do, there can be times when they don’t even bother going after what they desire. Through not having a felt sense of deserving, they won’t feel as though they deserve to take the first step, let alone actually have something.

For Example

They may have often wanted to talk to someone who they were attracted to, either sexually or something about them interested them, and not made the move. This may have been a time when they experienced a number of ‘negative’ thoughts.

So, a voice might have said that the other person wouldn’t want to speak to them and/or that they would be rejected, for instance. These opportunities would then have slipped through their fingers and they would have deprived themselves in the process.

A Way of Life

Other than being deprived in this way, this is likely to be the theme of their life. When it comes to their basic needs, such as having somewhere to live, food on the table and clothing to wear, they could be fine.

But, when it comes to their ‘higher’ needs, they can rarely if ever receive what they need to be running on full. In other words, they can often feel emotionally empty through not experiencing a great deal of intimacy or being able to receive the resources that they need to truly thrive.

An Important Point

However, although they won’t be living a life that is deeply fulfilling, what they can keep in mind is that they are now aware of what is going on. They could have continued to be oblivious to what was going on.

Consequently, the years would have passed them by and their life wouldn’t have changed. Therefore, while being aware of what is going on won’t have transformed their life, it will allow them to do what will.

A Closer Look

If they have been this way for as long as they can remember, it can show that their early years were anything but nurturing. This may have been a time when they didn’t receive the love that they needed to be able to grow and develop in the right way.

Practically from the moment they were born, they may have often been left and when they were given attention, it might have largely been misattuned care. This would have greatly traumatised them.

Two things

This is likely to have been a time when they felt hopeless, helpless, ashamed and guilty, and experienced a fair amount of fear and terror. As they were powerless and totally dependent, the only option was for their brain to automatically repress how they felt.

Without the right nutrients, they wouldn’t have been able to experience an emotional birth. This is why they will lack a felt self of worth and deserving and, thereby, won’t have a healthy sense of entitlement.

Out of balance

This should have been a time in their life when they received what they needed and were then able to grow into an adult who was able to both give and receive. As this didn’t take place, they will have one part in place but not the other.

If they had developed a healthy sense of entitlement, they would have an inner magnet that would pull toward them what they needed and wanted. Furthermore, they would be able to take that important first step and not give up, even if they get knocked back and are told ‘no’.

The Truth

This means that they are not inherently missing anything; they simply missed out on what would allow them to feel different. For them to know, at the core of their being, that they are worthy and deserving of having what they need and want, there will be a number of things that they will need to do.

It will be essential for them to look into and question what they believe when it comes to their own worth and, second, they will need to work through their emotional wounds. This is something that will take patience, persistence and courage.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

---

If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.

• Join my Facebook Page.
• Follow me on Twitter.
• The books I have written.
• Consultations.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk