If a man is very much estranged from his masculinity, he might not wonder if this is due to the issues that he has with his own father. In fact, he might not even be aware that he is out of touch with this side of his nature.
It could seem strange that he wouldn’t be aware of this but this could just be what is normal. Therefore, this is just going to what he is like and it won’t be something that will stand out.
The Signs Are There
However, although this can be something that he is not aware of, it doesn’t mean that he will be oblivious to the effects of being this way. He could find that it is generally hard for him to take action and to get things done.
To back one step, he could find that it is often a challenge for him to get out of bed each day and he could have moments when he sees life as a burden. When he is around others, he could typically be walked over and be unable to do anything about it.
A Miserable Existence
If he is often treated badly, finds it hard to stand his ground and just tolerates what is going on, why would he want to get out of bed each day? He might not have a great deal to look forward to.
This could illustrate that this job is anything but fulfilling and the only thing that it gives him is the money that he needs to survive. His relationships are unlikely to be very fulfilling and he might wonder if he will ever find someone to be with.
If his friends and family were to describe him, they could say that he is fairly passive and lacks the oomph that is needed to truly embrace life. They might not go as far as to say that he needs to “man up” but they could say that he needs to stand his ground more and to no longer let life pass him by.
After speaking to him about this, he could say that he is aware of this but that he doesn’t know what to do to change his life. They could suggest that he reaches out for professional support.
This could be a time when he will end up looking online for answers or he could visit his doctor. If he looks online for answers, he could come to believe that he needs to change his thoughts and behaviour.
On the other hand, if he was to see his doctor, he could end up being put on some kind of medication. The reason for this is that he could be seen as having a “chemical imbalance”.
If he doesn’t go down either of these paths and instead, comes across information that says that he needs to resolve the issues that he has with his own father, he could be confused. He could struggle to understand how this has got anything to do with his inability to activate himself and to embrace life.
Still, if he was to think about his own father, he might not feel anything or he could be consumed with anger. This could be the case regardless of if he is still on this planet or if he has passed on.
What this can show is that he had a very challenging relationship with his father when he was growing up; it may still be this way or stayed that way until he passed on. Due to what he was like, he wouldn’t have identified with him and allowed himself to embrace his own masculinity in the process.
Perhaps his father physically harmed him and put him down throughout his early years. By primarily being exposed to this kind of behaviour, along with being traumatised and losing touch with this aggression/fight instinct, he wouldn’t have wanted anything to do with the masculinity that possessed his father and, as a result, disowned his own.
A New Model
Ultimately, his father wasn’t able to provide him with a healthy example of what it means to be a man or how the masculine force can be expressed in a very healthy way. To use an analogy: it will be as though he has only seen a knife being used to harm others, not to feed others.
Thus, as painful and lifeless as his existence will be, embracing his masculinity will be the last thing that he wants. If he was to do this, he could believe that he would be just as destructive as his father and end up feeling guilty and ashamed and disgusted with himself.
The masculinity that is inside him is neither good nor bad; it is simply an expression of the creative force. Most likely, his father was deeply wounded, hence why he behaved in such a destructive manner.
For him to reintegrate this side of his being and to step into his power, it will be essential for him to resolve his trauma and to work through his emotional wounds that are related to this father. He can carry a lot of unmet childhood needs and these will need to be grieved.
If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.