Healing: Can Someone’s Unmet Developmental Needs Stop Them From Being Able To Heal?

If someone is suffering both mentally and emotionally, and certain areas of their life are not going in the right direction, they can end up reaching out for support. Assuming that this takes place, they can find a therapist or healer to work with.

What this will show is that they no longer want to experience life in this way and want to move forward. Now, when they work with someone, this can be a time when they will change what is going on in their mind.

Another Level

Then again, it might go further than this as they might be encouraged to explore what is going on for them at an emotional level. If so, they will be changing ‘negative’ thoughts, questioning what they believe and working through emotional wounds.

Additionally, they could work through unresolved survival responses and the arousal that goes with them. If they do work on each of these levels, it could be said that they will be getting to the root of what is going on for them.

A Big Impact

After they have been working with someone for a number of months, they could find that their mental and emotional health improves. The areas of their life that were not going in the right direction could also start to go in the right direction.

As a result, the time, energy and money that they have directed toward changing themselves will have paid off. Before long, they might decide to stop having therapy or healing, or, at the very least, to take a break.

One Outcome

As the days, weeks and months pass, their mental and emotional health could continue to stay at the same level. As for the areas of their life that have improved, these areas could get even better.

Thanks to this, they could be greatly relieved and grateful that they have been able to change their inner and outer world. When they thought about the future before, they might have been filled with dread but now, they can be filled with a sense of hope and excitement.

Another Outcome

Alternatively, as the days, weeks and months pass, their mental and emotional health could start to go back to how it was before. The areas of their life that have improved could start to go back to how they were before; that is, of course, if they have improved.

Consequently, they could wonder what is going on. What might enter their mind is that they need to work with the therapist or healer again.

One Angle

One way of looking at this would be to say that old wounds have been unlocked and they need to work through these wounds. Once this has taken place, they will rise up once again.

Another way of looking at this would be to say that the progress that they made didn’t last because it was primarily due to transference. What this means is that when they were working with a therapist or healer, they unconsciously saw this person as their mother and/or father.

A Closer Look

By doing this, they were deceived into believing that they were receiving what they had missed out on during their formative years. What this shows is that a big part of them has no sense of time and is blind.

This is why it wasn’t able to realise that it was too late to meet these needs and that the therapist or healer was not their parent or parents. If it wasn’t too late, spending time with someone who is present, attentive and caring would transform them.

A Key Part

Taking this into account, for them to truly move forward, it will be essential for their unmet developmental needs to be made conscious and expressed. If these needs remain hidden and unexpressed, they are likely to go around in circles.

Their unmet developmental needs may have also played a part in why they worked with a certain therapist or healer. For example, if they were greatly deprived by their mother, it may have caused them to work with a woman, and, if they were deprived by their father, it may have caused them to work with a man.

Another Outcome

At the same time, if they only felt safe around their mother, they might have preferred to work with a woman, or vice versa. And, even if they did work with a woman, they might have still been trying to receive the love that they missed out on from their father, and if they worked with a man, they might have tried to receive the love that they missed out on from their mother.

This is then not something that is black and white. Furthermore, transference is not something that is bad; it is simply a way for them to become aware of what they need to resolve to become whole and complete.

Awareness

What this illustrates is that even though someone feels better, it doesn’t mean that they have truly changed. The changes that they do make can largely be a consequence of them having been deceived by their unconscious mind.

However, when it is understood that someone’s unmet development needs can have a big impact, these needs can be explored and then expressed and integrated. Along with this, there will be pain for them to face and work through. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk