Human Contact: Can Developmental Trauma Cause Someone To Disconnect From Their Need For Human Contact?
Even though someone will be an interdependent human being, it doesn’t mean that they will act like one. Instead, they can be happy spending time by themselves and rarely if ever be or reach out to others.
If they are around others, it could be a sign that they are at work or out shopping. Based on how they behave, then, it will be as though they are completely independent and don’t need others.
When they are by themselves, the thought of connecting to and being around others might seldom enter their mind. This can show that they will be totally engrossed in what they are doing.
Most likely, their point of awareness will be up top, in their head. So, they could be using a device, watching something or reading, for instance.
A Key Part
In addition to being totally consumed by what they are doing, what will also play a part in why they don’t feel the need to be around others is the fact that they won’t be connected to their body. By not having a strong connection to this part of them and thus, their feelings and a number of their needs, there will be no reason for them to reach out to others.
This is then no different to how if they didn’t feel hungry, there would be no reason for them to reach out for food. They won’t feel the need to be around others, so being by themselves will be what feels comfortable.
Still, while they won’t have a strong connection to their body, it doesn’t mean that there won’t be moments when they feel very low and perhaps depressed. During this time, they can feel lifeless.
Due to this, they can question if their life has any meaning and if there is any point to their existence. After a while, they might end up coming out of the hole that they are in, only to fall back into it a little while down the line.
The Other Side
When they are around others, they can be just as disconnected from themselves as they are when they are by themselves. Then again, they could be even more out of touch with what is going on inside them, with them being focussed on what is going on for others.
Before long, they could soon feel the need to get away and to be by themselves. What can play a part here is that they may often be walked over by others and end up feeling violated.
An Unpleasant Experience
In general, then, being around others won’t be seen as something that is very enjoyable. When they are by themselves, on the other hand, they will be able to maintain who they are and be centred.
Ultimately, being by themselves will be what allows them to feel safe and secure and to have a sense of self. Yet, being around others will cause them to feel unsafe and insecure and as though their sense of self is under threat.
However, despite the fact that being by themselves will be what feels comfortable, there are also likely to be moments when they feel deeply alone. To handle this pain, they could end up consuming something or engaging in some kind of activity.
What this will do is allow them to avoid how they feel, if only for a short period of time. Yet, sooner or later, this sense of aloneness is likely to enter their conscious awareness once again.
Enough is enough
If they were to get to the point where they can no longer bear to live in this way, they could end up looking for answers. By doing this, they could be told that how they behave as an adult is due to what took place during their formative years.
This may have been a stage of their life when they missed out on the nutrients that they needed to be able to grow and develop in the right way. From the moment they were born, they may have been neglected and when they were given attention, it may have largely been misattuned care.
When they were left, it would have deeply wounded them and when they were given attention, as this attention was typically not in alignment with what they needed, this would have also deeply wounded them. In the first case, they would have felt helpless, hopeless and abandoned and in the second, they would have felt smothered, trapped and helpless.
To handle the pain that this would have caused them, they would have automatically repressed how they felt and gone into a shut-down, collapsed, frozen and disconnected state. This would have meant that they became estranged from their true self/body and ended up losing touch with their feelings and a number of their needs.
They would have come to associate human contact with the loss of their self and being annihilated. Thus, at a deeper level, not needing others and keeping their distance will be seen as the only way for them to survive.
Their need for human contact would have been deeply repressed and living up top will be a natural consequence of how traumatised they were at this stage of their life and perhaps other stages of it. Their brain and body will have been overloaded with pain and this is why it won’t take a lot for them to feel overwhelmed as an adult.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.