Impulsive Behaviour: Can Early Deprivation Cause Someone To Be Impulsive?

If someone were to take a step back and reflect on their life, one thing that might end up standing out is that they have the tendency to act without thinking. As a result of this, they won’t think about the consequences that may arise if they do something; they will just take action.

They might see that they have been this way for a few years, or this could be how they have been for most of their life. Either way, behaving in this way is likely to have caused them a lot of trouble.

For Example

So, they might often spend money they don’t have, eat too much, have promiscuous sex and/or cheat when they are in a relationship, for instance. Due to this, they can be weighed down by debt, carry more weight than they want to carry, have slept with numerous people who were not right for them, and have ruined a number of their relationships.

But, while behaving in these ways and/or other ways will cause them a lot of problems, they might not know how to change their behaviour. And, if they were to think about reaching out for support, they could be filled with shame.

Suffering in Silence

Therefore, instead of reaching out and receiving the help that they need, they will keep what is going on for them to themselves. When they think about reaching out, they could expect to be put down and rejected.

Naturally, if they expect to be treated in this way, it is not going to be a surprise if they keep this to themselves. What they will need to keep in mind is that this is a challenge that is fairly common and there are people out there who will be understanding and supportive.

The Next Step

Now, assuming that they were to reach out for assistance, this can be a time when they are encouraged to reflect on why they behave in this way. So, they can see that they find it hard to handle how they feel and this causes them to do things to try to feel better and more settled.

Their need to feel better and more settled will then take precedence, with the consequences of their actions being overlooked. To use an analogy: it will be as though they end up being on fire and they are compelled into doing something that they hope will put this fire out.

Two Elements

From this, it could be said that they are this way because their brain’s ability to regulate their feelings is not very effective and they are carrying unresolved trauma. Thus, if their brain was better at doing this and they were not loaded with inner baggage, it would be easier for them to think before they act and their life would be radically different.

Taking this into account, for them to change their life, they will need to develop a better ability to regulate their inner process and deal with their unresolved trauma. One way that they can do this is by meditating and working with a trauma specialist, for instance.

Going Deeper

However, along with these two factors, what if there is another factor that is playing a part in how they behave? What if their behaviour is also a way for them to try to meet a number of the needs that were not met during their formative years?

If so, although they won’t consciously choose to behave in this way, it doesn’t mean that their behaviour will be completely random and without purpose. Deep down, irrespective of whether it relates to buying something or having sex with someone, for instance, this can be seen as a way for them to finally meet a number of these needs.

A Closer Look

The part of them that believes that this will allow them to meet their unmet development needs won’t be part of their adult self; it will be part of their child self. This part of them won’t have a sense of time and will be blind, which is why it doesn’t know that this stage is over and other people are not their parent or parents.

Thanks to this, it will cause them to unconsciously project their parent or parents into things, people and places. By having something, being with someone or being somewhere, then, it will be seen as a way for them to receive what they missed out on during their formative years.
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Back In Time

During this stage of their life, their mother and perhaps their father might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach. If this was the case, a number of their developmental needs would have seldom if ever been met.

This would have greatly wounded and deeply deprived them. To handle what was going on, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their needs.

The outcome

Still, although their parent or parents wouldn’t have been able to provide them with what they needed and they would have lost touch with a number of their developmental needs, they would have continued to live in the hope that this would change. This hope would have served as a defence against reality and their own feelings.

What would have also played a part in this is that they were egocentric, so they would have believed that they were not worthy or deserving of having what they needed and were bad, while their parent or parents were good. Being who they wanted and struggling for love, then, would have been seen as a way for them to finally receive what they needed.

The Same Story

This stage of their life will be over, of course, but, they will still be trying to receive the emotional nutrients that they missed out on all those years ago to be able to feel whole and complete. Being impulsive will then be an attempt for them to receive what they missed out on and a way for them to release the tension that is inside them – tension that builds up as they are in pain and are carrying unmet developmental and perhaps adult needs.

But, as it is too late for them to receive what they missed out on during their formative years, it won’t matter what they buy, who they have in their life or where they find themselves. Ultimately, it will be as if they will be stuck on a roundabout that they can’t get off.

Moving Forward

For them to change their life, they will have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. By doing this, they will gradually have less going on inside them, so it will get easier for their brain to regulate their inner process.

Also, as they are in less pain and their need to receive what they missed out on as a child lessens, their need to act impulsively won’t be as strong. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk