In the same way that someone can be good at something but not realise it; they can also be intelligent but not realise it. As a result of this, the view that they have of themselves is not going to match up with reality.
One of the ways that this can affect their life is that they might not bother going after their goals. Due to how they see themselves, they are not going to believe that they will have what it takes.
There could then be people in their life who struggle to understand what is going on. As far as these people are concerned, one could have everything it takes to completely transform their life.
Yet, even if these people were to point this out, it is unlikely to have much of an impact on them. If one allowed something like this to enter their mind, it could soon be pushed to one side.
Conversely, someone like this could allow themselves to work towards their goals but they might only get so far. So once they get to a certain point, they could just stop and end up doing something else.
Another thing that they could do is have too many things on the go, which will stop them from being able to complete anything. It could be said that they will be an expert at sabotaging themselves.
There could even be moments when they continually put something off, even though they have what it takes to take the first step. They could believe that they need to know more and once they do, they will take action.
However, regardless of how much they learn, or even what qualifications they attain, it won’t be enough. There is always going to be something else that they need, something else that will supply them with what they are missing.
For them to be able to recognise their own intelligence and thus, to be able to make progress in their life, it will be important for them to let go of the view that they have of themselves. The reason why they haven’t done this could be because they have been this way for so long.
It will then just be part of who they are as opposed to something that they have come to believe about themselves. What this is likely to show is that there was a time in their life when they were intellectually abused, and that this was a time when it wasn’t possible for them to question what was taking place.
If so, this could mean that their early years were a time when they were put down by their caregiver/s. Instead of being given the support and encouragement that they needed in order to develop in the right way, they would have been undermined.
Perhaps they were told that they were stupid and/or useless, for instance, throughout this stage of their life. These massages would have gradually shaped the view that they had of themselves.
The fact that the people who were supposed to build them up, not tear them down, came out with these things most likely shows that they were not in a good way. Maybe, they were told the same things, or something similar, when they were growing up.
Due to a lack of awareness, they would have gone from being a victim to being a perpetrator. This time in their life may have caused them to shut down and to disconnect from their own feelings, and this would have made it easier for them to abuse their own child.
Yet, if they were not explicitly told things like this, they may have had caregiver/s that held them to impossibly high standards. The only thing that would have been acceptable was them doing well and reaching the top.
One wouldn’t have been seen as a separate individual at this stage of their life, they would have been seen as an extension of their caregiver/s. Furthermore, their value would have been defined by how well they performed (seen as external), not by who they were (seen as internal).
If this didn’t happen or even if it did, what took place during their time in the education system may have also played a part in the view that they have of themselves. A few of their teachers might not have been very supportive and/or maybe they were a late developer.
For one reason or another, this might not have been picked up and one may have come to believe that there was something inherently wrong with them. The type of education that they experienced might not have been a good fit for them either.
One Step Back
If they did struggle whilst they were in the education system, what was going on at home may have also played a part. For example, if they were being verbally abused or held to extremely high standards, it would have been hard even harder for them to be at their best.
It could have been even worse, though, and they may have been physically abused and/or neglected. Being treated in this way may have had a negative effect on their brain, making it even harder for their brain to function properly – not exactly the ideal scenario for leaning or feeling capable.
What this emphasises is that there can be a numbers of reasons as to why someone wouldn’t have an inaccurate view of themselves. Fortunately, they don’t need to experience life in this way forever.
There can be two parts to this: changing what is taking place in their mind and healing what they are carrying in their body. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.