Intimacy: Why Do Some People Open Up To People Who Will Shame Them?

While someone can be in a position where they are around people who they can open up to, there is also the chance that this is not the case. When one can relate to the former, it could be how their life has been for as long as they can remember.

Having said that, there is also the chance that their life hasn’t always been this way, and one could then find it easy to get into touch with when their life used to be different. As a result of this, one will know what it is like to be on the other side, so to speak.

Appreciation

If they were to do this, they may start to experience a sense of gratitude, and it could be said that this is to be expected. For one thing, their life is likely to be far more fulfilling than it was before.

Yet when one doesn’t experience life in this way, they are unlikely to know what it would be like to experience life differently. In fact, they could believe that this is the only option they have, and that their life will always be the same.

Disconnected
Through being around people who they can’t open up to, they could feel as though they are separate from others. It then might not matter whether they are by themselves or around others, as they could feel the same.

Even so, this doesn’t mean that one hasn’t opened up to them; what it can mean is that this has only caused them to experience pain. When one has opened up to them, they may have ended up being taken advantage of.

Closed Up

Due to the responses that they have received, they have ended up disconnecting from the people around them. This is not to say that his need has simply disappeared though, as it will still be there.

One could find that they end up opening up from time to time and getting hurt in the process. When this happens, they could wonder why they bother, and it could then cause them to criticise themselves.

Self-Harm

There will then be what one goes through by opening up, and what they go through due to opening up. It would be easy to say that one will be harmed by another and then they will be harmed by themselves, but this wouldn’t be the complete truth.

A more accurate way of looking at it would be to say that one is allowing another to harm them and then they are harming themselves. The reason for this is that when one knows how someone will respond to them and they open up anyway, they will be engaging in self-harming behaviour.

For Example

The people that one spends their time with could criticise them no matter what they talk about, or they could find this only takes place when it comes to certain things.  And not only could one be shamed when they open up, they could also share what they say with other people.

Therefore, they are going to continually abuse the trust that one puts in them, and this can mean that they are used to feeling humiliated. Yet although they will know what it is like to be humiliated, it doesn’t mean that they will take a step back and change their behaviour.

Intimate Relationships

Along with the kinds of experiences they have with the people they spend their time with, there may also have a similar experience with their partner/lover. Alternatively, one may find that they rarely have any problems when they open up to a friend, but that this is not the case when it comes to the people they are romantically involved with.

When one is in a relationship, they could find that they end up with people who they can’t trust. It is then not going to be possible for them to get close to someone, and this could be an area of their life that causes them a lot of pain.

A Victim

Through experiencing life in this way, one could end up feeling as though they have no control over their life. They could believe that people are out to cause them harm; there could then be times when they want to avoid them.

However, while one could believe that they just end up with people who are unable to accept them as they are, there is going to be more to it. For one thing, one could find that they are too trusting, and this then stops them from taking the time to see if they should open up to someone.

Reading the Signs

Another way of looking at it would be to say that one doesn’t pay attention to how someone behaves, and that they simply open up to anyone. Thus, without having the ability to pay attention to someone’s behaviour and to listen to their intuition, they end up being taken advantage of.

What could also play a part here is that one could believe that they deserve to be treated in this way, and this is then going to be what feels comfortable. This is then likely to show that one doesn’t value themselves.

Attraction

Due to what is taking place within them (and this could be something that they are not consciously aware of), it can cause them to be drawn to people who reflect how they see themselves. So while this can appear to be something that is happening randomly, this couldn’t be further from the truth.

Based on this, it will be important for one to change what is taking place within them in order to experience life differently. When one experiences life in this way, it can be a sign that they were not treated well during their early years.

Awareness

During this time, ones caregivers may have also taken advantage of them in some way, and this would have set one up to believe that they don’t deserve to be treated well. How they were treated at this time would then have defined how they expected other people to treat them, and how valuable they are.

If one can relate to this and they want to change their life, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk