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If someone were to take a step back and reflect on their life, what could soon stand out is that they often feel cut off from others and alone. They could see that this is how they have been for most of their life.
What could enter their mind is that this is just how their life is and that there is very little that they can do. Along with this, part of them can believe that people simply don’t like them and this is why they are often isolated. More to it However, while they can live a life where they rarely spend time around others, it might not be this black and white. They might have a number of friends and often spend time around others. But, even when they are around the people in their life, they could still feel cut off and alone. If this is the case, the way for them to change their life is not going to be for them to spend more time around others. A Closer Look When they think about how they behave when they are around another person, they could find that they have the tendency to hide themselves. Thus, they typically won’t reveal how they feel and what is going on for them. Due to not being connected to and expressing themselves, they won’t be able to connect to another person, which is why they will feel cut off and alone. What this illustrates is how important their connection to themselves is when it comes to feeling connected to others. Two Parts The other part of this is another person will need to be present and listen to and care about what they have to say. As, if this is not the case, being connected to and expressing themselves won’t allow them to feel connected to others. This comes down to the fact that they are an interdependent human being. Taking into account what is going on for them, the key will be for them to look into why they rarely show up around others. A Closer Look If they were to imagine being real with the people in their life and in general, they could end up feeling very uncomfortable. This can be a time when they will experience fear and anxiety. They could soon have the need to go back to how they were and spend time by themselves. If they were to look deeper, they could find that they expected to be criticised, humiliated and even harmed. One Option Therefore, for them to stop themselves from being hurt, they will need to keep their guard up when they are around others and isolate themselves. It could be said that it is irrational for them to be this way as not everyone is going to want to undermine them. Not only this but, by being this way, they will deprive themselves of the human contact and love that they need to be able to thrive. Still, while being this way won’t be serving their highest good, a big part of them won’t want to change. What’s going on? If they were able to take a closer look at what took place during their formative years, they might soon come to see why they are this way. This may have been a stage of their life when they were greatly undermined. Their mother and perhaps their father might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach. Moreover, they might have often been verbally put down and physically harmed. An Emotional Desert A time in their life when they needed love, support, encouragement, safety and security, would have been a time when they were deeply deprived and greatly wounded. And, as they were powerless and totally dependent, their only option was to disconnect from themselves and create a false self. Not being aware of how they felt and a number of their needs would have stopped them from suffering as much. Along with this, they might have often isolated themselves. A Natural Outcome If they had not been powerless and dependent, they would have been able to change what was going on or leave their family. But, as this wasn’t an option, they had to adapt to the dysfunctional environment that they were in. Their underdeveloped brain would have caused them to believe that it wasn’t safe for them to express themselves and that being alone was the only way for them to be safe. How one or two people behaved, then, would have been generalised and applied to everyone. A New Reality The truth is that how their mother and perhaps father treated them is not a reflection of how every human being will treat them. Nonetheless, in addition to what they believe, a big part of them can still be trying to meet their unmet development needs. Together, these two elements can cause them to unconsciously recreate scenarios where they are deprived and wounded again. So, to experience life differently, they will need to question what they believe, face the pain that they had to repress and experience their unmet developmental needs. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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