Mother-Enmeshed Man: Can A Mother-Enmeshed Man Believe That He Would Be Abandoning His Mother If He Broke Away?

If a man were to see that he is overly focused on his mother, it doesn’t mean that he will just be able to change his life. The reason for this is that part of him can have the need to behave in the same way.

This part of him can be far stronger than the part of him that wants to experience life differently. As a result of this, the part of him that wants to experience life differently will be outmuscled by a part of him that doesn’t.

Going Deeper

If he were to take a closer look at what is going on inside him, he may find that this other part of him believes that his life would be under threat if he no longer focused on his mother. According to this part of him, then, his survival will depend on her.

Now, as he is an adult and not a child, his survival won't depend on his mother. Based on this, what this other part of him believes will be irrational and won’t have any basis in reality.

Another Angle

Even so, due to how strong this part of him is, it won’t matter that it is irrational, as his emotional self will be stronger than his mental self. Thus, for his behaviour to change, these two parts will need to align.

Most likely, the reason that his emotional self is not aligned with his mental self is because of what took place during his early years and the impact it had on him. This is likely to be why part of him believes that his survival depends on his mother, as it is frozen in time.

Back In Time

Practically from the moment he was born, he may have missed out on the attunement and care that he needed to grow and develop in the right way. This is likely to be due to his mother being emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

Thanks to this, he would have had to adapt to the lack of love that was on offer, which would have meant that his brain repressed how he felt and a number of his needs. Therefore, he would have lost touch with his connected true self and developed a disconnected and outer-directed false self.

Developmentally Stunted

Many years will then have passed since this stage of his life, but a big part of him won’t have moved on from this stage of his life, and he will still be in a disconnected state. However, what he may also find is that another block arises if he were to imagine that he no longer believes that his survival is dependent on her.

So, if he were to freely express himself and live his own life, he could believe that he would be abandoning his mother. If this is the case, not being there for her will be seen as the wrong thing for him to do.

A Strange Scenario

But, as he is so caught up in her world, it is causing him to abandon himself. With this in mind, it is not that he would be abandoning her if he put himself first; it is that he would no longer be abandoning himself.

Ultimately, not only is she an adult, but he is her son, so she is capable of looking after herself, and he is not responsible for her. And, if she isn’t capable of looking after herself, then, most likely, there is help available.

Role Reversal

If he were able to accept that he wouldn’t be abandoning her if he lived his own life and would simply no longer be abandoning himself, he could wonder why part of him can’t accept this. What this is likely to illustrate is not only was he greatly deprived and deeply wounded during his early years, but that he was also conditioned to believe that he was responsible for his mother.

For example, when he expressed his needs, he was likely to have been disapproved of and punished. His father might have also behaved in a similar way when he didn’t do what his mother wanted.

The Message

Assuming that this is what took place, he would have indirectly and indirectly been conditioned to believe that his purpose was to be there for his mother and meet her needs. He was then forced to sacrifice himself and act like his mother's parent, at a time when he needed to be cared for.

If this stage of his life had been different, he probably wouldn’t be developmentally stunted, and he would feel comfortable living his own life. For him to be able to do this, he is likely to have beliefs to question, pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk