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If a man has come to see that he is overly focused on his mother’s needs, he may need to start putting himself first. Along with this, he may need to talk to his mother about what is going on.
Nonetheless, if he were to talk to her about how he is neglecting himself and no longer wants to do as much for her, he might not get very far. This can be a time when his mother won’t listen to what he has to say. A Dead-end So, she can ignore him and change the subject, or she can say that he doesn’t do much for her and make out that he should do things for her. Irrespective of what happens, this is not going to be a time when he will be seen and heard. Instead, it will be as though what he has to say doesn’t matter and he might not even feel like a real person. After this, he can feel frustrated, angry, helpless and helpless. A Continuation Yet, if he were to reflect on what his relationship has been like with his mother over the past few years, he might find that this experience is not new. He then won’t have tried to speak to her about this before but his experiences with he won’t be much different. Feeling unseen and unheard around her will then be normal, as will feeling frustrated, angry, helpless and helpless. Around his mother, his physical self will be seen but his emotional self typically won’t be seen. Overlooked She is then going to have eyes to see him but she won’t be able to see that he is an individual who has his own needs and feelings. Based on how she generally treats him, it will be as though she sees him as an appliance that is simply there to serve her. In the same way that she wouldn’t be able to accept that an appliance has needs and feelings, she won’t be able to accept that her son has needs and feelings, or, if she can, she might only accept that he has a few basic needs. A Missing Ability Based on how she behaves, it will be as if she lacks the ability to empathise. Or at the very least, she is not interested in putting herself in his shows and accepting that he has his own needs and feelings. Naturally, if she hasn’t got this ability or this ability is damaged and she is not interested in using it when it comes to him, it is to be expected that he won’t feel seen and heard by her. And, no matter what he says or how he says it, or what he does for her, this is not going to change. The Same Old Story If this is what she is like now that he is an adult, it is likely that this is what she was like during his formative years. Practically from the moment that he was born, she might not have been able to accept that he was a separate being who had his own needs and feelings. Without being consciously aware of it, she might have seen him as nothing more than her possession and believed that his purpose was to meet her needs. Taking this into account, not only will he not be seen and heard by her now that he is an adult, but he won’t have been seen and heard by her when he was a child. A Brutal Time She would have given him what he needed to survive or he wouldn’t be alive but, in general, that would have been about it. His physical self would then have grown but as she generally wasn’t able to attune to his emotional needs and meet them, his emotional self wouldn’t have been able to grow. Her inability to consistently attune to his needs and meet them would have caused him to be greatly deprived and deeply wounded. To handle what was going on, he would have had to lose touch with a number of his needs and feelings and create a disconnected and outer-directed false self. Self-Alienation His mother, by not having a strong connection with her emotional self, would have been oblivious to the harm that she was doing and the impact it was having on him. Most likely, she lost touch with this part of her and her ability to empathise during her formative years. She was probably greatly deprived and deeply wounded and this would then have caused her to create a disconnected and perhaps inflated, false self. Losing touch with her emotional self and maternal instincts would have undermined her ability to be an attuned and loving mother further down the line but it would have been what allowed her to handle a brutal stage of her life. Generational Deprivation Taking this into account, as destructive as his mother was and is, she will be a deeply wounded human being. This is not to say that she is not responsible for her behaviour; no, what it means is that it likely wasn’t and isn’t her intention to undermine him. Her intention, deep down, was likely and is likely to be to receive the love that she missed out on during her formative years. Now that he is an adult and is no longer powerless and dependent, it will be vital for him to do what he needs to do to gradually draw the line with his mother and live his own life. Awareness If a man can relate to this and is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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