Mother-Enmeshed Men: Can A Woman React Negatively If She Is Told She Doesn’t Just End Up With Mother-Enmeshed Men?

Over the years, a woman may have been with a number of men who were overly focused on their mother and were emotionally unavailable. Then again, the men she has been with might have just been emotionally unavailable.

Either way, she is likely to be well and truly fed up with this area of her life. If she is, it could be said that this is not going to be much of a surprise, considering how depriving this area of her life will be.

One conclusion

When it comes to why this area of her life is this way, she can believe that this is just what men are like or that she is unlucky. What can play a part in the view that she has is that she might have put a lot of effort into finding a man.

So, she might put a lot of effort into how she looks, with her going to the gym, ensuring that her hair looks good, and dressing in a certain way. She might also be into self-development.

For Example

If so, over the years, she might have questioned what she believes and replaced negative thoughts with positive ones. Along with this, she might have done yoga.

However, regardless of whether she has taken these steps, she can not only see herself as being ready for a relationship but also as being emotionally available. Therefore, if she does believe that this is just what men are like or that she is unlucky, it makes sense.

It Doesn’t Make Sense

She will be in a position where she is ready and emotionally available but the men she has been with won’t have been ready or emotionally available, so how could what is going on in this area of her life have anything to do with her? And, if she were to speak to her friends about this area of her life, they could be supportive and validate what she believes.

They could say that what is going on is not her fault and she is not to blame. As far as they are concerned, she could be someone who deserves to be with a man who is available and ready to have an intimate relationship.

The Next Stage

After a while, she could look for information online about why men are like this, with her believing that if she can understand them, she might be able to change them. During this time, she might end up coming across information that looks deeper into why a woman would attract men who are like this.

This information can go into how she doesn’t just begin and end with her conscious mind or conscious sense of herself, and that she also has an unconscious mind. What is taking place in this and every other area of her life is then not just going to reflect what is going on for her at a conscious level; it will also reflect what is going on for her at an unconscious level.

A key part

What can also be said is that, when it comes to what is taking place in this other, hidden part of her, it can largely be a consequence of what took place during her formative years. For example, what could be covered is that this stage of her life may have been a time when her mother and perhaps her father were emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

Along with this, one or both of her parents might have been verbally and even physically abusive. A stage of her life when she needed consistent attunement, care, affection and support to grow and develop in the right way would have been a time when she was greatly deprived and deeply wounded.

A Tough Time

After this, what could be covered is how she would have had to lose touch with her connected, fully feeling and open true self and develop a disconnected, not fully feeling and closed false self in order to handle what happened. Furthermore, it can say that this would have probably caused her to see her needs and feelings as bad, believe that she was worthless and unlovable and see intimacy as something that would cause her to be annihilated.

What can also be covered is how, to help her keep it together and function, she would have lived in the hope that, if she became and did what one or both of her parents wanted, she would be loved by them. Lastly, what can be put forward is that if this is what she experienced and how she adapted, what is going on in this area of her life will reflect her own emotional unavailability and fear around human closeness.

One Response

Now, although the purpose of the information will have been to shine the light on what is taking place for her at a deeper level and aimed at what will allow her to move forward, she can experience a strong reaction. She can believe that she is being blamed for what is going on in this area of her life.

It then won’t be that the purpose of this information was to assist her and not simply make her feel good or validate what she believes, but it was to hold her back and punish her. At this point, it can seem strange why she would react in this way, especially as she wants to move forward.

A Closer Look

What this can illustrate is that the disconnected false self that she had to form early on is doing what it can to protect her. This part of her will be there to ensure that the pain and unmet developmental needs that were repressed early on don’t enter her conscious awareness, as this would undermine her ability to keep it together.

Thus, thanks to this part of her rejecting the information that she is exposed to and not allowing it to reach her, it allows her to maintain the defensive self that she has in place. It can then seem as though she is choosing to misinterpret what she has been exposed to, but her mind will have automatically done this.

Moving Forward

What this illustrates is how important self-observation is, as it will give her the ability to observe what is taking place inside her as opposed to being controlled by her mind's defensive reactions. She might have heard, at least once, that she sees with her brain, not her eyes.

With this in mind, it will be essential for her to develop the ability to observe what is taking place inside her, so that she can have an open mind and take in information that will allow her to gradually change her life. Without this ability, her defended self, the self that was created to protect her, will just keep her stuck.

Awareness

If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk