After a woman has been in a relationship with a mother-enmeshed man, she is unlikely to be in a very good way. Not only can she be in a lot of pain but she can also have a number of questions.
Perhaps she was with a man like this for a number of months or maybe her time with him lasted even longer. The longer she spent with him, the more pain she is likely to be in and the more questions she may have.
Even though it will now be over, it doesn’t mean that every part of her being will be happy with this outcome. Part of her can feel extremely relieved, while another part of her can experience a deep sense of loss.
Part of her can say that there is no way that she will ever go back with this man, yet another part of her could have a strong need to be with him again. If this is so, she could wonder why she is so conflicted.
On one level, it will be clear that being with this man wasn’t truly serving her and so, now that she has cut her ties with him, she will have done the right thing. Even so, on another level, if she still wants to be with him, will be her need to be with someone who is not serving her.
If she was to speak to a friend about what is going on, she could end up being told that there is no reason for her to feel this way. As far as this person is concerned, she will have done the right thing.
When she was with the man, she may have often wondered what it would be like to cut her ties and to be free. But, now that she will have achieved this outcome, she will find that she feels anything but free or at peace.
Her mind will be racing around and it won’t be possible for her to be in her body and to appreciate the space that she now has. As a result of this, she could wonder if she is going crazy and even question if she has done the right thing.
A big part of what is taking place in her mind could involve going over what took place, if she could have behaved differently, and why the man was the way that he was. If so, she may believe that if she had changed her behaviour, the relationship would have been different.
As for trying to understand why the man, she could believe that if she could understand him, everything would change. This can be seen as a sign that she is willing to take responsibility for her behaviour and to make changes when it is necessary.
What it can also show is that she is someone who is overly responsible and takes on far too much. Consequently, it is to be expected that she will blame herself for what took place and believe that she can change the man.
Ultimately, she is only responsible for herself and there is only so much that she can do for another person. If another person doesn’t want to change and to play their part, there is not going to be a great deal that she can do about it.
A Human Being
It will be important for her to remind herself that she wasn’t the man’s mother; she was simply his partner. Still, she may see that there were moments when she did far more than she should have done.
If this took place, it would have meant that she would have ended up overlooking her own needs, perhaps experiencing resentment as a result, and focusing purely on his needs. This would have most likely caused her to feel used and this could be how she feels right now.
Around In Circles
What she may realise, as time passes, is that trying to understand the man is not allowing her to move forward. If anything, it is simply preventing her from being able to move forward.
Nonetheless, what she may find by engaging in this process, is that it is allowing her to avoid her true feelings. Endlessly analysing what took place will then be serving as a defence that keeps her pain at bay.
There is going to be the pain that she experienced by being with a man like this and there will be the pain that she was already carrying to begin with. One way of looking at this would be to say that how she felt whilst she was with the man was a reflection of how she felt before she even met the man.
The reason why it might not seem this way, though, is that these feelings had probably been pushed out of her conscious mind and in her conscious mind. These feelings were then hidden from her conscious mind but they were still having an impact on her reality.
If she was to get in touch with these feelings, she may find that this is how she felt during her early years. The relationship that she has just been in will then have mirrored back what she needed to resolve at a deeper level.
What this means is that as painful as this experience has been, it has given her the chance to face what will allow her to become more whole and complete. Providing she works through her wounds, she might be able to look back on this stage of her life as being a blessing in disguise.
If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.