Mother-Enmeshed Men: Can A Woman Who Attracts Mother-Enmeshed Men Be Held Back By Her Friends?

After having been with a number of men who were overly focused on their mother and were emotionally out of reach, a woman could feel helpless and hopeless. If this is so, this won’t be a surprise, as this area of her life will be anything but affirming.

Over the years, she might have shared a lot about what is going on in this area of her life with her friends. Throughout his time, they might have largely been supportive and had her back when she was not in a good way.

One Scenario

So, when she broke up with the man who she was last with, she might have soon reached out to one or a number of her friends. During this time, she might have been told that it’s a good thing that it has come to an end.

After this, they might have said that she was with a man who just wasn’t available. They might then have said that now she has the opportunity to find her feet again and, over time, to find a man who is available, or something similar.

A Big Impact

Naturally, having one friend who is supportive, let alone two or three, is going to make her life easier than it would be otherwise. She might often think about how fortunate and grateful she is that she has a friend or friends who are like this.

Along with their support, they might also encourage her to look into why she was continually ended up in this position. If they do, it can show that they don’t see themselves as mere observers of reality and understand that their reality is mirroring back what is going on for them at both a conscious and unconscious level.

A Helping Hand

Due to this, they might suggest that she takes a closer look at what her childhood was like, to see if she can remember anything that might shine a light on why her life is this way. For example, they might say that as she continually ends up with men who are not emotionally available, it can show that this was a stage of her life when she was continually hurt.

So, she might have had a mother and/or father who were emotionally unavailable and out of reach. The outcome of this is that she would have missed out on the attunement, care, affection and support that she needed to grow and develop in the right way.

The outcome

Being ignored, rejected, smothered and even abandoned would then have been normal. To handle being greatly deprived and deeply wounded, her brain would automatically have repressed the pain she was in and a number of her needs.

This would have involved her losing touch with a big part of her emotional self. Instead of being firmly rooted in her body and connected to all of herself, she would have formed a disconnected and defended false self.

Something to Avoid

Furthermore, she would have come to see human closeness as something that would cause her to be overwhelmed and annihilated. This is because, when she was receiving misattuned care and was left, for instance, it would have been as though her sense of self was under threat and she was dying.

She is also likely to have believed that her needs and feelings were bad, and that she was worthless and unlovable. The reason for this is that, as she was egocentric at this stage of her life, she would have personalised what took place.

A Different Direction

Assuming that this is what took place, she will see that the men she has ended up with were showing her what she needs to face and resolve inside herself. It was then not that these men were the problem or that she was unlucky.

She will now be in a position where she can gradually change the direction of her life. However, while this scenario could be seen as the ideal, she could have a friend or friends who respond differently.

Another Outlook

Her friend or friends could say that this is just what men are like or that she is just unlucky. In their eyes, then, this area of her life will never change, or she will just have to hope that her luck changes.

Her friend or friends could also be in a very similar position, which is why they can speak with such certainty. These friends are then not going to encourage her to look within, as most likely, they are not ready to do this.

A Reflection

At this point, it could seem as though her friend or friends are doing what they can to hold her back. In reality, they are most likely doing what they can to ensure that they don’t have to face themselves.

Thus, by making sure that their friend has the same view as them, it will help them to strengthen and keep their own defences in place. Still, this is not to say that they will be consciously aware of this, as it is likely to take place unconsciously.

Another part

Also, if she has a friend or friends who are like this, they are likely to be a reflection of the part of her that doesn’t want to face what is going on inside herself. It is then not that she just happened to have a friend or friends who are like this.  

Moving Forward

Taking all this into account, if her childhood was a time when she was greatly deprived and deeply wounded, there will be a number of steps for her to take. There will be beliefs for her to question, pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience, among other things.

Awareness

If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk