Mother-Enmeshed Men: Can A Woman’s Unconscious Mind Cause Her To End Up With Mother-Enmeshed Men?

If a woman is in a position where she has been with a number of men who were overly focused on their mothers and emotionally out of reach, or even men who were emotionally unavailable, she is likely to be well and truly fed up. She could see that this area of her life has been this way for as long as she can remember.

This will mean that she has wanted to be with a man who is emotionally unavailable and able to have a real relationship for a while, but she hasn’t been able to experience this. It is then to be expected that she wouldn’t be happy about this area of her life.

One Conclusion

When she thinks about this area of her life and how depriving it is and has been, what might often enter her mind is that this is how this area of her life will always be. Or, she might believe that the only way it will change is if her luck changes.

Alternatively, she might often think about how this is just what men are like and that it will only change if they do. If she is on board with the former or the latter, it is not going to give her the sense that she has much control over this area of her life.

Her Side

What can also play a part in why she feels so helpless and hopeless, when it comes to this area of her life, is that she might have done a lot over the years to improve herself. For example, she might have worked on her appearance and improved her self-image.

Furthermore, she can see herself as someone who is emotionally available, which can largely be why she finds it so hard to get her head around why she continually ends up with men who aren’t. Naturally, if she does see herself in this way, what is going on is not going to make any sense.

External Feedback

Her friends and even family could often tell her that she is a catch and is ready to have a relationship, or something similar. Assuming that this is the case, in their eyes, the reason this area of their life is the way that it is will be because of what is going on externally.

Most, if not all, of these people could be in living relationships, or they could be in a similar position. Either way, they probably all want her to be in a relationship that is enriching as opposed to one that leaves her feeling drained and deprived.

Another Angle

Now, even though it can seem as though she is ready and is emotionally available but what is going on externally is the issue; what if there is more to it? What is only part of her is ready and emotionally available?

After hearing this, she could become confused and even angry, with it being as though she is being blamed for what this area of her life is like. Then again, she could observe what is taking place inside her and have the need to know more.

A Closer Look

If the latter takes place, it will give her the opportunity to explore what might be going on for her at a deeper level. So, what she will need to keep in mind is that along with her conscious mind or conscious sense of herself, she has an unconscious mind.

What is taking place in this other, hidden part of her will be influencing how she feels, the thoughts she has, how she perceives things, how she behaves, who she is drawn to and who is drawn to her. This illustrates how much of an impact it has on how she experiences life.

A Deeper Look

When it comes to this other, hidden part of her, it can contain feelings and developmental needs that she had to lose touch with during her formative years, along with parts of herself. Thanks to what may have happened to her during her formative years, then, she would have lost touch with part of her consciousness.

In other words, she would have been rooted in her body and connected to all of her emotional self very early on, but as time passed, she wouldn’t have been firmly rooted in her body or connected to all of her emotional self. Her brain would have repressed how she felt and certain needs, causing her to have not just a conscious mind, but also an unconscious mind.

What happened?

The reason that she would have adapted in this way is that she might have been brought up by a mother and perhaps a father who were emotionally unavailable and out of reach. She would then have missed out on the attunement, care, affection and support that she needed to grow and develop in the right way.

Being ignored, rejected, smothered, and abandoned would have been a normal part of her childhood. Along with losing touch with all of her consciousness, she would have come to believe that her needs and feelings were bad, that she was worthless and unlovable, and associated human clones with annihilation.

The Past is present

As the years passed, her conscious mind would have forgotten all about what happened, and thereby, prevented her from being able to join the dots, so to speak. Also, at a deeper level, part of her is likely to be living in the hope that, if she struggles to make an available man available, he will change.

This is because at this deeper, emotional level, she won’t have a sense of time and will be blind, causing her to unconsciously project the mother and/or father that she had into a man. But at this stage of her life is over, and another man is not her mother and/or father, it will be too late for her to meet her unmet developmental needs.

Moving Forward

For her to be firmly rooted in her body, reclaim all of her emotional self, feel comfortable with her needs and feelings, activate her felt sense of worthiness and lovability, feel comfortable with human closeness, and no longer look for what she missed out on as a child, there will be a number of steps for her to take. She will have beliefs to question, pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience, among other things.

This will take courage, support, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk