|
If a man is overly focused on his mother and neglects his own life, it is going to be as though he is just an extension of her. But, although he will be living in a way that does not allow him to live a fulfilling life, it doesn’t mean that he will do anything about it.
This is because he might not be aware of what is going on, but even if he is, he might not have the desire to do anything about it. Assuming that he is aware but doesn’t have the desire to do anything about it, it is likely to show that he doesn’t feel strong. The Norm What can be normal is for him to feel low and even depressed. He can have the energy that he needs to take care of his basic needs, along with being there for his mother, but that can be about it. At other times, he might not even have the energy to do this and could struggle to get out of bed and function. He is then typically just going to be going through the motions in life. External Feedback If he has at least one close friend, they might have suggested that he reach out for support. They might believe that he suffers from depression and needs to get the help that he needs. Furthermore, they might have also said that he does too much for his mother and not enough for himself, which has a negative impact on him. If he had heard this, he might have agreed with what they said, but not taken the next step. What’s going on? It can seem strange why he wouldn’t have the energy to do something about his life, especially as it is not serving him. If he were to look back on his life, he may see that he has been this way for as long as he can remember. What might soon enter his mind is that there must be something inherently wrong with him, and even that he was born this way. But if this is how his life has been for a long time, this is not a surprise. A Closer Look Nonetheless, what if there isn’t anything inherently wrong with him, and he wasn’t born this way either? What if he is this way due to how he had to adapt during his formative years? Throughout this stage of his life, he might not have been able to be connected to and freely express himself. Instead, he might have had to be who his mother and perhaps father wanted him to be. A Brutal Time His mother might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach, and looked toward him to meet her needs. His father, on the other hand, if he were around, might have also been emotionally unavailable and out of reach and done what he could to ensure he, his son, did what his mother wanted. Consequently, he is likely to have been connected to and freely expressed himself in the beginning, but this would have caused him to be criticised, humiliated, rejected and abandoned, and maybe even hit. To handle what happened and to keep it together and function, he would have had to lose touch with his embodied, connected, and fully feeling true self. One Option In its place would have been the creation of a disembodied, disconnected, collapsed, not fully feeling and outer-directed false self. A stage of his life when he needed an attuned, caring, affectionate and supportive mother and father was then a time when he was greatly deprived and deeply wounded. He was sent the message that he had no right to exist, to express himself or to have his needs met. Thus, to try to stay alive and stop himself from being annihilated, he had to become who his mother and perhaps father wanted him to be. It’s over Now, this stage of his life is over, and he no longer needs to be this way to survive, but a big part of him won’t realise this. This is why the energy inside him that would give him the need to express himself and to grow and expand will be locked inside him. His system will need to gradually learn that it is safe for him to be here and that he no longer needs to deny parts of himself in order to survive. This will then be a time when he is unsquashing himself. Moving Forward For him to reconnect to his body, have access to all of his life force and freely express himself, he will have a number of steps to take. He will have beliefs to question, pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience, among other things. This will take courage, support, patience and persistence. Awareness If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
0 Comments
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply. |
 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 29 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
To book your 15-Minute Introductory Consultation, click here.
Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
My Books...
|