Mother-Enmeshed Men: Did A Mother-Enmeshed Man’s Mother Have A Fear Of Being Dominated?

What a man could see, if he is overly focused on his mother, is that his mother undermined both him and his father during his formative years. Thus, instead of doing what she could to build him up and support his father, she did the opposite.

After realising this, he could come to the conclusion that his mother had a fear of the masculine. Thanks to this, she did what she could to stop him from embracing his masculinity and caused his father to lose touch with his own.

The Outcome

If, then, he had embraced his power and his father had stayed connected to his power, his mother would have felt threatened. To make sure that she felt safe, she had to make sure that the men in her life were not a threat.

As a result of what was going on for her, she didn’t think about the impact that her behaviour would have on her son as time went by. Her need to feel safe took over, which would have stopped her from looking at the big picture.

A Negative Impact

What wouldn’t have entered her mind was that, by undermining her son, he probably wouldn’t be in a position to protect her when he was older. She wouldn’t have thought about how, although he would probably still be around, he wouldn’t be as capable as he could be.

Her own fear would have stopped her from doing what would actually serve her in the long run. Naturally, if she had given her son what he needed and built him up, there is a strong chance that her son would have grown into a man who was in his power.

Another part

And, by not undermining his father, her son would have had an example of what it is like to be a strong and capable man. He would have been able to watch him and develop a strong inner father.

Also, as his father would have been in his power, he would have been in a position to support and encourage him. Together, his parents would have prepared him for the real world.

Going Deeper

Taking this into account, it could be said that his mother must have had a father who was abusive. Her father mistreated her, so she expected other men to do the same thing.

It is then to be expected that she would have made sure that her son didn’t embrace his masculinity and caused her son's father to lose touch with his masculinity. Most likely, this is something that took place automatically and unconsciously.

Totally Unaware

If so, she wouldn’t have been consciously aware of what she was doing or the harm that it would cause. In a way, she would have been like a programmed machine that was merely reacting to her conditioning.

As she would have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded by her father, she would have lost touch with her true, feeling self. Her ability to empathise and think about the consequences of her actions would have been undermined.

Another Angle

If her father hadn’t used his masculine power in the wrong way, she would have probably tuned out differently. This is then an example of how wounded parents usually wound their child or children and their child or children then become parents that do the same thing.

However, although it could be that her father abused his masculine power, it might not be this black and white. It could be that her mother was the one who abused her power.

Back In Time

Her mother might have been very controlling and cold and she might have even been physically abusive. If this was the case, it wouldn't have been that a man in her past abused his masculine power; it would be that a woman in her past abused her masculine power.

Having a mother like this would have traumatised her, and feeling helpless, hopeless, angry, enraged, hateful, scared and terrified is likely to have been a normal part of her childhood. As time passed, how she felt and the memories that were associated with these feelings would have been repressed but her fear of being controlled and dominated would have still exerted a big impact on her life.

The Past Is Present

Her past would have been projected onto her present and this is why it wasn’t possible for her to see her son clearly. He was then not deprived of the attunement and care that he needed because he was worthless or unlovable; he was deprived because his mother wasn’t in a position to provide him with what he needed.

As for his father, he was also unlikely to have been in a position to provide him with what he needed. He was too beaten down and was probably already out of touch with his power before he even met his son’s mother.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk