If a man is emotionally entangled with his mother, he is going to spend a lot of time being there for his mother and supporting her. It will be as if his sole purpose is to be there for her and to take care of her needs.
He could create the impression that he doesn’t have needs, or has a few basic needs and that’s about it. His mother is then going to receive a lot of his life force and time and he will deprive himself of both of these things.
So, as he does have his own needs and not just a few basic ones, this is going to mean that he will be neglecting himself. Instead of building up his own life, he will be doing what he can to build up his mother’s life.
There is the chance that this is just what is normal, meaning he won’t even be aware of what is going on. Ultimately, his mother will be using him and he might not have much to show for the time that he has been on this planet.
However, if he was able to come to his senses and to see that he is neglecting himself, it doesn’t mean that he would just be able to start living his life. The thought of living his own life, let alone actually living it, could fill him with shame and guilt.
Additionally, he could experience a fair amount of fear anxiety. If this was to take place, it will be perfectly clear to him that he is not going to simply change his life and that it will take time; that is unless he feels totally helpless and can’t see a way out.
What this will illustrate is that instead of feeling supported and as though he can live his own life, he won’t feel supported or as though he can live his own life. He is likely to believe that the only way he will survive is if he is there for his mother.
Therefore, he is not going to be focused on his mother because he truly wants to be; he is going to be this way because it is seen as the only way for him to survive. This shows that something isn’t right.
What is going on?
At this stage, it could seem strange as to why he is experiencing life in this way. As he is an adult, he should feel safe enough to express himself and know deep down, that he will be supported.
He certainly shouldn’t believe that he needs to please his mother in order to survive. After all, it is not as though his mother is a God who is in control of all of the resources on the earth.
Replaying The Past
Most likely, what is taking place now that he is an adult is simply a continuation of what took place during his early years. Now, of course, he will be a man and will have more control than he did as a child and yet, he will continue to behave in the same way.
During his developmental years, his mother probably used him to meet some of her adult and unmet childhood needs. This would have meant that he had to lose touch with his own needs and he would have been deprived of the nutrients that he needed to be able to grow and develop.
A Living Hell
If he did express his needs, he is likely to have been punished, disapproved or and/or abandoned. So, it simply wasn’t safe for him to express himself and doing what he could to please his mother was an essential part of his survival.
A stage of his life when he should have received what he needed was then a stage of his life when he had to be there for his mother. To say this stage of his life was brutal would be an understatement.
The Same Story
Many years have passed but as he is in a developmentally stunted and traumatised state, he will continue to perceive life in the same way. As he wasn’t supported as a child, if he was to express himself as an adult, his early trauma will end up being unlocked and he will feel as though he is going to die.
For his life to change, he will need to let go of the belief that he can only survive by pleasing his mother and to work through his early trauma. Until this takes place, he will feel compelled to be there for his mother and to neglect himself.
If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.