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If a man has recently become aware of how caught up he is in his mother’s world and has a rough idea of what happened during his formative years, he could often experience a fair amount of anger, rage and hate. This is how he can feel whenever he is around his mother and when he thinks about how he was treated by her.
However, before long, he can come to believe that he needs to forgive her and live his own life. This can be something that takes place after he has spoken to a friend or even a therapist. It Makes Sense Taking into account how he feels and the impact that this is having on his life, it could be said that this will be the right thing for him to do. If, then, he doesn’t do this, he will continue to experience ‘negative’ feelings and his life will be overlooked. He could end up focusing on how destructive it is for him to not forgive his mother and how this is causing him to waste his time and energy. So, by consciously choosing to forgive her and changing his behaviour, his life could gradually change. Another Reality At the same time, although he has chosen to do this and has changed his behaviour, he may find that he is unable to get very far. In addition to having the need to be there for his mother, a big part of him could struggle to accept that he deserves to have his own life. Once again, if he were to speak to a friend or a therapist, he could be told that he deserves to have his own life. From this, it will be clear that forgiving his mother is just one part of what he needs to do. Another Element Along with this, he will also need to forgive himself. At this point, he could wonder what he needs to forgive himself for as he won’t have done anything wrong. This is true as he will have been deprived and mistreated during his formative years; he won’t have deprived or mistreated anyone else. Furthermore, he won’t be using anyone now that he is an adult. Another Angle Nonetheless, even though he wouldn’t have done anything wrong, he would have blamed himself for what happened. The reason for this is that, at this stage of his life, he was egocentric. It was then not that he was being deprived because his mother and father were unable to give him what he needed; no, it was because there was something inherently wrong with him. This was what his underdeveloped brain came to believe. Two Parts What would have played a part in this is that he needed his mother's and father’s love and, by believing that he was the problem, it would have given him the hope that he could change what was going on. If he had accepted reality, it would have been too much for him to handle. Naturally, as he was powerless and dependent, it would have been too much for him to accept that his mother and father couldn’t love him. This is why blocking out reality and creating a false view of reality played a big part in him being able to survive. A key Part With this in mind, it will be imperative for him to know, at the core of his being, that how he was treated was not his fault. He wasn’t treated this way because he was worthless and unlovable. This means that he deserves to have his own life and for his life to be deeply fulfilling. He doesn’t need to earn this right; he has this right by being here. Moving Forward Even so, there will be the inner work that he needs to do on himself in order to know this and live a life that is radically different to the one he lives. To gradually move forward, there will be what he needs to do at a mental and emotional level. When it comes to the former, he will have beliefs to question and thoughts to challenge. And, when it comes to the latter, he will have pain to face and work through. Awareness If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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