Mother-Enmeshed Men: Does A Mother-Enmeshed Man Need To Realise That His Feeling’s Don’t Always Reflect Realty?

If a man typically acts as though he is an extension of his mother, behaving in this way is likely to allow him to avoid certain feelings. Thus, as deprived as he is likely to be by living in this way, it will allow him to keep it together and function.

This is not to say that he won’t experience ‘negative’ feelings; no, what it means is that these feelings won’t undermine his sense of self. So, he can often feel frustrated and dissatisfied, for instance, but he will be able to handle these feelings.

Kept At bay

And, when these feelings do arise, he could soon do something in order to keep them at bay. This could be something that generally takes place without him consciously choosing to do so.

If so, thanks to how fast this takes place, he is seldom going to be aware of how he feels. Of course, not having access to this inner feedback will make it easier for him to turn his back on himself.

Important Information

With this in mind, for his life to change, he will need to embrace how he feels. What this will do is give him the desire and energy that he needs to gradually change his life.

However, if he were to allow himself to experience the frustration and the dissatisfaction that is caused by being there for his mother and not being there for himself, he could soon feel as though he has no control over what is going on. It can be as if he is nothing more than a slave.

Another Level

From this, it will be clear that he not only feels powerless but also believes that he is powerless. Along with this, if he were to think about let alone change his behaviour, he could end up feeling anxious and guilty and ashamed.

Based on this, if he does what he wants, he will feel that his life is under threat and that he is doing the wrong thing and is bad. He is then also going to believe that his survival depends on being there for and pleasing his mother and that being there for her is the right thing for him to do.

External Feedback

If he were to speak to a friend about what he is going through, they could say that how he feels is not the truth. They could say that these are just feelings that don’t reflect reality.

However, what he hears might not have much of an impact on him. Even if part of him agrees with what is said, another, stronger part of him could overpower this part of him and cause him to push what was said to one side.

Caught Up

What this will illustrate is how powerful these feelings and the beliefs that go with them are. So powerful, in fact, that it is not possible for him to see that he is being deceived by his feelings and beliefs.

As these will be feelings that he has experienced for most of his life when it comes to expressing himself, it is to be expected that he wouldn’t be able to see through them. The days, weeks, months and years that have passed since his early years will have also strengthened the limiting beliefs that he has.

Back In Time

During his formative years, he was most likely greatly deprived and deeply wounded. Instead of receiving the love that he needed to grow and develop in the right way, he would have been forced to adapt to his mother’s needs and be there for her.

If he didn’t do what she wanted, he is likely to have been punished, rejected and/or abandoned. This would have set him up to believe that he had to please his mother to be able to survive and that his needs were bad and he had to ignore them.

How it was

At this stage, he would have felt powerless and he was powerless; there was nothing that he could do. Moreover, as his mother was in control of his survival, it would have been essential for him to please her.

And, as he was egocentric, he wouldn’t have been able to see that his needs were not bad and that putting them first didn’t mean that he was doing something wrong. Now, although this stage of his life will be over, it is clear to see that he is still locked into this old reality.

Breaking Free

For as long as these feelings and beliefs are in place, he won’t be able to accept that he doesn’t have to live in this reality. His brain will deceive him into believing that he is still the boy that he once was.

For him to gradually accept that this stage of his life is over, he will have beliefs to question and pain to face and work through, among other things. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk