|
When a man’s priority is meeting his mother’s needs, not his own, it will show that something is not right. In this case, he will be acting like her parent, which will cause him to neglect himself.
Of course, this is not the same as a man helping his mother from time to time, whilst living his own life. If he were living in this way, he would still be there for himself and, thus, be able to live a fulfilling life. A Big Hurdle But, although he will be living in the wrong way, he might not be aware of this. Nonetheless, this doesn’t mean that he won’t often feel frustrated, angry or drained. No, what it means is that he won’t be consciously aware of the fact that he is living in a way that is not serving his highest good. Moreover, he might not even realise that he is neglecting himself. A Bizarre Situation In this case, he is going to be a separate human being, with his own needs and feelings, but he will act as though he is nothing more than an extension of his mother. As a result, it will be as if he has his own body but he doesn’t have his own self. This is then why his life revolves around his mother and he spends so much time doing things for her. Therefore, if he had his own self, there would be no reason for him to behave in this way. Confusion At this point, it is likely to seem strange as to how he has his own body but he doesn’t have his own self. It can be as though he was created in a factory, with this being the reason why he only has a body. In the place of a separate and embodied self, he will have another creation that is focused on his mother and meeting her needs. It then wouldn’t be accurate to say that he is an empty shell but it would be accurate to say that he has a sense of self, either. Another Part And, to make matters worse, his mother could expect him to be there for her and criticise him when he isn’t. He will then be behaving in a way that is not serving him but his mother, the person who is supposed to be his greatest supporter, won’t help him. Thanks to this, his life could continue to go in the same direction until his mother passes on. But, if he wakes up before then, it could be because something dramatic takes place. A Tough Time After experiencing a breakup, a loss, or a serious illness, for instance, it might no longer be possible for him to behave in the same way, if only for a short while. At this point, he could start to wonder why he is so caught up with his mother. He could see that he is more like an object that she owns, than a separate human being who is in control of what he does or doesn’t do. Before long, he could be doing something for her and ignoring himself. Inner Conflict What this will show is that even though he is starting to see clearly, this won’t have transformed him. If he had a strong sense of self, he would be able to draw the line and live his own life. But, as he has his own body but doesn’t have a strong sense of self, it is to be expected that he would continue to behave in the same way. What might soon enter his mind is why his sense of self is so underdeveloped. A Closer Look Most likely, his early years were a time when he was greatly deprived and deeply wounded. So, he would have experienced a physical birth but he wouldn’t have experienced an emotional birth. Practically from the moment that he was born, he might have often been left and when he did receive attention, it might have typically been misattuned care. Not receiving the emotional nutrients that he needed would have been the equivalent of him not being fed. Developmentally stunted The difference is that unlike not being fed, this wouldn’t have caused him to die. What it would have done is stop his inner self from being able to grow and develop in the right way. As the years passed and he became a child, he probably had to continue to adapt to his mother's needs and was forced to be there for her. His mother would not have provided him with what he needed to go from an emotionally dependent being to an emotionally interdependent being. A continuation His physical and mental self will have changed as the years have passed, but his emotional self won’t have. Another part of this is that as he is still in an emotionally dependent state, she will still be seen as being essential to his survival. Not pleasing her during his formative years and freely expressing himself would have caused him to suffer even more and been a threat to his survival. And, as he is in a developmentally stunted state, it will still be seen as a threat to his survival. Moving Forward In all likelihood, she was greatly deprived and deeply wounded during her formative years. She was then developmentally stunted and was unable to provide him with the love that he needed to develop a sense of self and gradually separate from her. The outcome of this is that she unconsciously saw him as someone who could give her what she missed out on during her formative years. Keeping him close and making sure that he never left her side would have also been a way to make sure that she didn’t come into contact with her fear of being left. Moving Forward Taking this into account, his early years didn’t prepare him to thrive, they repapered him to suffer and live a miserable existence. However, his life doesn’t have to stay this way forever. Yet, for him to live a radically different life, it is likely to take courage, patience and persistence. The truth is that he is not worthless or unlovable, and he deserves to live a fulfilling life. Awareness If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
0 Comments
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply. |
 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
To book your 15-Minute Introductory Consultation, click here.
Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
My Books...
|