Mother-Enmeshed Men: Is A Mother-Enmeshed Man The ‘Empath’ And His Mother The ‘Narcissist’?

If a man is overly focused on his mother and his mother expects him to be there for her, it could be said that they are both out of balance. This is then going to be different to when a man is focused on his mother and his mother wants him to be there for himself and live his own life.

In this case, a man will be caring toward his mother but his mother won’t want him to put his own life to one side. Here, there is a chance that he will gradually be able to see that he is ignoring himself and will do what he can to change his life.

A Very Different Scenario

But, when a man is caught up with his mother and his mother expects him to be this way, there can be no reason for him to change. The reason for this is that he can be oblivious to the fact that he is not here to meet his mother’s needs and is neglecting himself.

Thus, if his mother can’t accept that he has his own life to lead; his life will continue to go in the same direction. If it does change, it could be because he goes through something that is fairly stressful and this ‘wakes’ him up.

Stepping Back

Now, based on how he and his mother behave, he could be seen as an ‘empath’ and his mother as a ‘narcissist’. This is because he is likely to be attuned to her needs, caring, sensitive, and a good listener, for instance.

His mother, on the other hand, is likely to lack empathy, be uncaring, insensitive, and not be a good listener, for instance. He is then on one side of the spectrum and she is on the other side.

Another Part

Along with what he has, there will also be what he lacks. So, he will lack boundaries, find it hard to stand up for himself, and lack a healthy sense of entitlement, for instance.

When it comes to his mother, she will have poor boundaries but she will be used to walking over others as opposed to being walked over. Furthermore, she won’t find it hard to stand up for herself and will have an overly developed sense of entitlement.

Lopsided

Therefore, irrespective of whether he really is an empath and she is a narcissist, it will be clear that, in a number of ways, they are two sides of the same coin. He has a lot of what his mother needs to embody and his mother has a lot of what he needs to embody.

If then, some of her could be poured into him and some of him could be poured into her, they would be in a better position. They are both likely to be in a deeply wounded and developmentally stunted state.

Back In Time

He might have been wounded slightly earlier than his mother or they might have been wounded around a similar age but they will both be wounded. Nonetheless, while he would have adapted to being deprived in one way, his mother would have adapted in another way.

He lost touch with his true self very early on and developed a disconnected and deflated false self, with his parasympathetic nervous system typically being activated; while his mother developed a disconnected and inflated false self, with her sympathetic nervous system typically being activated. When it comes to the Greek story that was written by Ovid, she became Narcissus and he became Echo.

Going Deeper

Thanks to how he developed, he became selfless, passive, highly empathic, and didn’t develop a healthy sense of entitlement. Thanks to how his mother developed, she became caught up with her own needs, active, not very empathetic and developed an unhealthy sense of entitlement.

His mother is then showing him what he needs to develop and he is showing his mother what she needs to develop. To see this, though, both he and his mother will need to see each other as a mirror and not get caught up in what is going on externally.

A Key Process

However, as he is the one who is more likely to be self-reflective, he is more likely to change than she is. If he does ‘wake up’, he can see his mother as a reflection of what it is that he has disowned inside himself and needs to integrate.

He is likely to see that he needs to feel comfortable with his needs, embrace his aggression, develop boundaries, and develop a healthy sense of entitlement. Along with this, he is likely to have a lot of pain to work through.  

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk