Mother-Enmeshed Men: Is A Mother-Enmeshed Man’s Brain Stopping Him From Being Able To See Clearly?

If a woman is with a man who is caught up in his mother’s world, she might struggle to understand why he is this way. Not only this but if she has tried to talk to him about this, she might not have gotten very far.

At this point, she could believe that he is simply in denial and is, therefore, choosing not to see clearly. She can then feel frustrated and angry about how he is behaving, and might question if she should move on.

One Scenario

But, even if this does cross her mind, she could believe that if she hangs in there, he will gradually change. She can believe that if she continues to point out what is going on, he will gradually be able to face reality.

This can be seen as a logical conclusion as what she can see will be right in front of his eyes. So, if she sticks with this, he is bound to see what she, along with many others, can see.

The Outcome

After a number of weeks and perhaps months have passed, she may find that he is gradually able to face reality. This doesn’t mean that his behaviour will change straight away, though.

It could take many months and even years for him to have implemented boundaries with his mother and to have emotionally separated from her. The key will be for him to find the support that he needs and keep going.

Another Scenario

Conversely, she could stay with him but even though she does her best to get through to him, she might not make much progress. So, after hanging in there for weeks or months, she could decide that it is best for her to cut her ties.

If she does do this, she can still wonder why it isn’t possible for him to see clearly. But, as he will be neglecting himself and his life will be passing him by, this is not a surprise.

A Closer Look

Now, although it may appear as if he is choosing to deny what is right in front of his eyes, there is likely to be more to it. In all likelihood, he is not consciously choosing to block out reality.

What this means is that he won’t be able to see what other people are able to see. The reason for this is that his brain will stop him from being able to see what other people can see.

One Level

And, even if he can see what is going on, it might not be long until he goes back to how he was before. The clarity that he has in one moment will then be lost in another moment.

From this, it could be said that the clarity that he has won’t fully penetrate his whole being; it will only touch the surface. In other words, this understanding will be at the level of his intellect, not his emotional self.

A Strange Scenario

When it comes to why his brain is stopping him from being able to truly see what is going on, it will be because it is doing what it can to protect him. If he were to see clearly, a lot of pain is likely to be unlocked.

The outcome of this is that it would make it hard for him to keep together and function. What this illustrates is that his brain is not designed to make sure that he can face reality; it is designed to keep him alive.

Going Deeper

Deep down, he is likely to believe that if he continues to focus on his mother, he will finally be loved by her. This is likely to be how he has been since he was a child.

At this stage of his life, his mother is likely to have been emotionally unavailable and used him to meet some of her needs. Consequently, he would have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded.

A Tough Time

To handle this, his brain would have repressed how he felt and a number of his needs. In addition to this, he would have lost touch with his true self and developed a disconnected and outer-directed false self.

Along with blocking out what was going on inside him, he would have blocked out what was going on outside of him. This would have involved him believing that his mother was good and he himself was bad and that, if he did what she wanted, she would love him.

A continuation

Many years will have passed since then but as he will still be carrying a lot of pain and his unmet developmental needs, like then, he won’t be able to accept that his mother can’t provide him with what he is looking for. It is for this reason that he might need to experience something significant, such as a breakdown or a loss, to be able to gradually face and stay connected to reality.

Something like this will undermine his defences and he might be forced to face his pain. This will be a process that is likely to take many months and perhaps years.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

---

I​f you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.

• Join my Facebook Page.
• Follow me on Twitter.
• The books I have written.
• Consultations.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk