Mother-Enmeshed Men: Is A Woman Emotionally Unavailable If She Ends Up With Mother-Enmeshed Men?

Right now, a woman can be with a man who is overly focused on his mother and has very little time for himself, let alone her. And, when she does spend time with him, he could be largely out of reach.

Due to this, she will be in a relationship, but it can be as if she is single, as very few of her needs will be met. So, they can do things together and have sex, but that could be about as far as it goes.

The Missing Element

Her need to emotionally connect to him and for the relationship to move forward is then not going to be met. If this is the case, she can look back over the time that they have been together and she can see that it has been normal for her to not feel seen or heard and to be deprived.

Additionally, she can see that they have been in the same position for months or even years. Time will then have passed, but it will be as though their relationship has stood still or has even gone backwards.

A Dead-end

If she has spoken to him about what is going on for her, she might not have been able to make much progress, though. For example, he might have listened to what she said, but that might have been about it.

Then again, he might have agreed with what she said and said that he would change, only for him to continue to behave in the same way. What might soon enter her mind, if it hasn’t already, is that she is wasting her precious time and energy.

One Scenario

If she has spoken to a trusted friend about what is going on, she may have been told that the man she is with is not emotionally available. After this, she might have been told that she needs to move on.

Thanks, in part, to this conversation, and perhaps others, she could soon decide that it’s time for her to call it a day. But, as she will want to be with a man who is available, and the man that she is with is not available, this makes perfect sense.

Looking Back

However, if she does end the relationship, it might not be long until she thinks about the last man she was with. Assuming that this takes place, she may find that he was just as unavailable.

This could be as far back as it goes, or she could see that it goes back even further, with just about every man that she has been with having been unavailable. If this is so, she can believe that this is just what men are like, or that she is unlucky.

Two Parts

Yet, if she sees herself as someone who is emotionally available and ready to have an intimate relationship, this is to be expected. It can also be as if someone or something ‘out there’ is holding her back.

Another part of this is that one or a number of her trusted friends might have validated the view that she has of herself. But, although this is how she sees herself, what if it is not the complete truth?

Going Deeper

What if only a small part of her is available, but an even bigger part of her is not available? After hearing this, she could say that this is not true, as she is ready to develop a deep connection with a man.

Nonetheless, what she will need to keep in mind is that along with her conscious mind or conscious sense of herself, she also has an unconscious mind. This other, hidden part of her is more impactful than her conscious mind.

Another Angle

If the conscious part of her wants to develop a deeper connection with a man, but this other part doesn’t, a small part of her will be saying yes to intimacy, while a bigger part of her will be saying no. The former will then be saying I want to get close to a man, while the latter will be saying I don’t want to.

And to look at this from a purely energetic point of view, her energetic field will be repelling what she wants. But as she wouldn’t have been aware of this, it will have naturally seemed as if what was going on externally was the issue.

The next Step

If her mind is still open at this point, she can wonder why part of her is on board with what she wants, but another part of her isn’t. To understand why she is this way, it will be a good idea to explore what her early years might have been like.

This may have been a stage of her life when her mother and perhaps her father were emotionally unavailable and out of reach. Along with this, one or both of them might have been emotionally unstable and verbally and even physically abusive.

The outcome

If she couldn’t attach to one or both of them as they were out of reach and unsafe, she wouldn’t have received what she needed to grow and develop in the right way, and she would have emotionally and energetically closed up in order to protect herself. This would have allowed her to handle what happened and minimised the harm that was done to her.

She would have come to associate being emotionally open and human contact with something that was a threat to her survival. And as she was egocentric, she would have personalised what happened, which would have caused her to believe that she was to blame for what happened and was worthless and unlovable.

The Past is present

Many, many years will have passed since this stage of her life, of course, and her conscious mind will have forgotten all about what happened, but her unconscious mind and her energetic field won’t have. This part of her will largely see life as it was, not as it is.

Consequently, she will unconsciously see a man in the same way as she saw her mother and/or her father, as a threat to her survival. This part of her will not only feel safe with a man who is distant, but it will also have the need to make an emotionally distant man available.

Moving Forward

What this illustrates is that this part of her has no sense of time and is blind, which is why it can’t see that another man is not her mother and/or father and that it is too late for her to receive the love that she missed out on. For her to be able to truly put her past behind her and no longer struggle for the love that she missed out on, open up emotionally, and connect to her inherent worth and lovability, she will have conditioning to questing, pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience.

Awareness

If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk