Mother-Enmeshed Men: Should A Mother-Enmeshed Man Stay Single?

What could be said, if a man is overly focused on his mother and unable to live his own life, is that he should stay single. The main reason for this is that as he is not emotionally available, he is not going to be able to fully be there for a woman.

Therefore, if he starts dating a woman and this develops into a relationship, he won’t have a great deal to offer. The woman will then have become emotionally attached to him but he will be emotionally and perhaps physically out of reach.

A Tough Time

The outcome of this is that the woman he is with will be greatly deprived and experience a lot of hurt. She would have believed that she was with a man who was available at the beginning, only to be let down as time passed.

Not only will there be the pain that she goes through during their time together, there will be the pain that she goes through after it has come to an end. From this, it is clear to see the damage that he can do if he starts a relationship.

The Right Thing

Taking this into account, it will be best for him to wait until he is no longer caught up in his mother’s world before he starts a relationship. This will stop him from hurting a woman and it will allow him to sort himself out.

Once he has emotionally separated from his mother and is able to live his own life, he will probably be ready to have a relationship. He might be able to work on his issues by himself, or he might need external support.

Back To Reality

However, while this can be seen as the right thing for a man in this position to do, it is not always possible for this to take place. The main reason for this is that a man in this position might not be aware that he is overly focused on his mother and is not living his own life.

It could be hard for someone to accept how this is possible, but what they will need to keep in mind is that as human beings, we have a conscious and an unconscious mind. Not only this, but we have a brain that is designed to keep us unconscious and therefore, unaware.

The Connection

Thus, if a man has behaved in this way for most of his life, it is not going to be a surprise if he is not aware of what is going on as it will just be what is normal. His brain, out of the need to allow him to keep it together and function, will also do what it can to make sure that he doesn’t become aware of what is going on.

What this illustrates is that even though he has a conscious mind and can make conscious decisions, he, like many others, is largely controlled by his unconscious mind and this is what is driving him. At a deeper level, he is likely to be driven by his need to receive what he missed out on during his formative years.

Holding It Together

This part of him won’t want to accept that this stage is over as it would unlock a lot of pain and make it hard for him to keep it together and function. Due to this, if he starts a relationship, it is not going to be his intention to hurt the woman.

At a conscious level, his intention is likely to be to have a relationship. And, it is by going down this route, that he could become aware of how caught up he is with his mother and is not living his own life.

Two scenarios

For example, the woman that he is with could be aware of what is going on and talk to him about it. He could accept what she says and after this, he could reach out for the support that he needs, which could allow them to create a fulfilling relationship.

Then again, the woman could talk to him about what is going on but he could deny it. It will then be clear that, at this stage of his life, he is not ready to accept what is going on, let alone reach out for support.

The Other Side

To focus in the other direction, now, the view that a man in this position needs to stay single or he will just end up hurting a woman is based on the view that a woman would just randomly end up with a man like this. In reality, there has to be something inside her that would cause her to be an energetic match with a man like this.

If she wasn’t energetically aligned with a man like this, she wouldn’t end up with a man like it. However, this is not to say that she would consciously choose to be with a man like this, as it is likely to be what is going on inside her unconscious mind that would draw her to him.

Replaying The Past

In the same way, then, that a man like this will be unconsciously trying to receive what he missed out on as a child, she is also likely to be doing the same thing. The key will be for her to see her reality as a mirror that  shows her what is taking place inside her consciousness.

Furthermore, to see what is going on in a symbolic as opposed to literal way. This will allow her to gradually get to the root of what is going on, instead of being caught up in what is going on externally.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk