Mother-Enmeshed Men: Why Did A Mother-Enmeshed Man’s Mother Make Him Into Her Parent?

Based on how a man is behaving, that’s if he is overly focused on his mother’s needs, is that he is more like her parent than her son. He will then have been born after her but will be as though he was born before her.

However, although he will be playing a parental role, he might not be aware of this. As a result, he will ignore a number of his needs and feelings and this will be having a negative impact on him.

A Bizarre Situation

Now, if he is unaware of what is going on, he won’t be able to change his life. It can also seem strange how he could be in this position and not be able to see that he is living in the wrong way.

Of course, until he is able to see clearly, he will continue to behave in the same way. The outcome of this is that he will continue to be focused on his mother's needs and deprive himself.

It’s Normal

The reason why he is unable to see what is going on is likely to be because he has behaved in this way from a very young age. He is then not going to know what it is like to experience life differently.

Furthermore, he won’t know that it is even possible for him to experience life differently. For his life to change, then, something significant might need to take place, so that he is able to see clearly.

The Next Stage

Assuming that he was able to wake up and see clearly, he could wonder why he is this way. If he were able to see that he has been focused on his mother's needs from a young age, he could wonder why this is.

What this can show is that his mother was greatly deprived and deeply wounded during her formative years, causing her to be developmentally stunted. Therefore, while her physical and mental self grew, her emotional self stayed frozen in time.

Self-Alienation

For her to handle what took place, she would have gradually lost touch with her feeling, true self. Instead, she would have gradually developed a disconnected, unfeeling and perhaps inflated false self.

The years would have passed and then, when she had him, her son, she would have become a parent. Nonetheless, as she hadn’t received what she needed as a child and was, deep down, still a child, she needed a parent.

An Inversion

She would have looked toward her son to be there for her practically from the moment that he was born and would have expected more from him as time passed. Still, as she is unlikely to have realised that she was developmentally stunted, she is unlikely to have realised that she was moulding her son into the parent that she didn’t have.

She would then have put a lot of pressure on him and expected a lot from him. The trouble is that as he was powerless and dependent on her for his survival, there was very little that he could do about what was going on.

One Option

The only thing that he could do was to adapt to what was going on and become who she wanted him to be. This would have involved him losing touch with a number of his needs and feelings.

The connection that he had to himself would then have gradually been severed, with him creating a disconnected and perhaps deflated false self. Deep down, he would have believed that if he did what she wanted, he would receive her love.

It Was Futile

Yet, as she was developmentally stunted, she was not in a position to give him the love that he needed to grow and develop in the right way. It then wouldn’t have mattered what he did as this wouldn’t have stopped him from being deprived and wounded.

And, if he did express certain needs, he is likely to have been punished in some way. If he wasn’t focused on his mother and doing what she wanted, he is likely to have felt guilty and ashamed.

The Struggle Continues

In truth, his mother should have been the one who felt guilty and ashamed for not being there for him and using him. Many, many years will have passed since he was a boy but he will still live in the hope that, if he continues to be there for her, she will finally give him the the love that he missed out on as a child.

But, even if his mother could give him what he needed as he is no longer a boy, it is too late for him to receive this love. For him to no longer look for this love, he is likely to have a lot of inner work to do.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk