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If a man is overly focused on his mother and is neglecting himself in the process, he might be aware of what is going on. As a result of this, he can do what he can to gradually change his life.
This will allow him to live a life that is worth living, as opposed to a life where he has turned his back on himself and is suffering in silence. This won’t be easy but it will be worth it in the long run. Another Reality Alternatively, he can be focused on his mother and neglect himself but be oblivious to this. Due to this, he is not going to be able to gradually change his life. He will continue to live a life that is not worth living and his suffering won’t come to an end. As time passes, his life is likely to get even worse, and there may come a point in time when he is unable to behave in this way. A natural outcome But, as he will be acting like an extension of his mother and overlooking a number of his own needs, this is to be expected. For him to live a fulfilling life, he will need to be there for himself. In other words, he will need to be his main priority and for his mother to be of secondary importance. If he was merely an extension of his mother and didn’t have a self, it would be different. External Feedback Now, if he started dating a woman, the woman could soon see that he is out of balance and is neglecting himself. Nonetheless, if she were to talk to him about this, she might not be able to make much headway. He could deny what she says and accuse her of having something aghast his mother, for instance. This is something that could take place every time she talks to him about this area of his life. A Bizarre Scenario He is then going to be in a position where a lot of his time and energy is being directed toward his mother and he is neglecting himself but he won’t be able to accept this. If she is very self-absorbed, entitled and is indifferent to his needs, it can be even harder to understand why he is behaving in this way. The reason for this is that it will be clear that she doesn’t care about his needs or the fact that he is not living his own life and is just using him. Yet, although she will be behaving more like his enemy than his mother, he won’t be able to face reality. A Closer Look At this point, it could seem as though he is simply choosing not to face up to what is going on. Nevertheless, it is unlikely that he is consciously choosing to be this way. In all likelihood, there is a part of him that is preventing him from being able to see clearly. It could then seem as though this part of him is not on his side and is doing what it can do undermine him. Another Angle Most likely, this part of him is doing what is can to make sure that he is able to keep it together and function. It can seem strange that seeing that he is out of balance and what his mother is like would cause him to fall apart. To understand why he needs to block out reality to keep it together and function, it will be necessary to take a closer look at what his early years were like. At this stage of his life, he is likely to have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded. Back In Time His mother is likely to have also been greatly deprived and deeply wounded during her formative years. She was then not in a position to provide him with the love that he needed to grow and develop in the right way. Consequently, she is likely to have moulded him into the parent that she needed but didn’t have. To handle the pain of being deprived, his brain would have repressed how he felt and a number of his needs. Another Part Furthermore, along with losing touch with his inner world, he would have also lost touch with what was going on externally. This would have involved him developing an idealised view of his mother and seeing himself as bad. If he had accepted that his mother was unable to love him and was cold and indifferent, for instance, it would have been too much for him to deal with. Thus, by blocking out what she was actually like, he was able to live in the hope, the false hope, that if he struggled for her love, he would finally receive it. A Defence But, as she wasn’t able to provide him with the love that he needed, it wouldn’t have mattered who he became or what he did. Many years will have passed since that stage, but he will still be struggling for her love. And, as he will be carrying so much pain, if he were to accept that she can’t love him, some of this pain would start to enter his couscous awareness. The outcome of this is that he would be overwhelmed. Moving Forward The defence that he developed early on had to be strong to keep him alive, so naturally, it is not simply going to fall away even though it is now causing him to suffer unnecessarily. For this defence to fall away, he will have a lot of pain to face and work through. Without this pain, there will be no reason for him to have this defence in place. At the same time, he could have an experience that weakens this defence and he is then forced to face reality. Awareness If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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