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What a man may see, if he is overly focused on his mother and is overlooking a number of his own needs is that he has turned his back on himself. It could go further than this, though, as he could see that she expects him to be there for her.
Therefore, what could enter his mind is that unless he does something about what is going on, his mother is not going to encourage him to live his own life. As a result of this, the days, weeks, months and years will go by but nothing will change. The Same Story Of course, he will be older and won’t have as much of his life left but he will still be behaving in the same way. The outcome of this is that he is likely to be even more exhausted. He will then be in an even worse position than he is now but he will have even less energy than he currently has. In other words, he will have been worn down even more by the situation that he is in. A Big Decision So, if it has entered his mind that he is the only one who can do anything about what is going on and his mother is not going to assist him in this endeavour, he could think about what it is that he needs to do. Then again, before he even thinks about this, he could feel very uncomfortable. This can be a time when he feels anxious and fearful and as if he would be doing something wrong. In reality, this would be the right thing for him to do as he is not merely an extension of his mother and her possession. Self-Ownership The truth is that he is a separate human being who has his own needs and feelings and he owns himself. What can also make it hard for him to accept this is that if he were to talk to his mother about what is going on for him, he might not receive her support. He could tell her that it is no longer possible for him to do as much for her and that he needs to focus more on his own life. If she does listen to what he has to say and doesn’t ignore him, she could soon try to make him feel guilty. The Message Due to how she responds, it will be as if he is being selfish and that he should be there for her. He will then be the one who is doing something wrong and she will be the one who isn’t. After this, he could feel guilty and ashamed and have the need to carry on behaving in the same way. Yet, even if this does happen, it might not be long until he ends up feeling frustrated and angry. Self-Absorbed What this is likely to show is that his mother is unable to accept that he is a separate human being who has his own needs, feelings and life to lead. As far as she is concerned, he will be an extension of her and his purpose will then be to meet her needs. He could struggle to understand why she is this way but this is likely to show that she is developmentally stunted. She will then look like an adult physically but she won’t be an adult when it comes to her emotional self. Developmentally Stunted Most likely, she didn’t move beyond the toddler phase of her development, which is why she can’t accept that her son is not part of her. At this stage of her development, she would have seen others as being part of her and they would have solely existed to meet her needs. This is likely to show that she didn’t receive what she needed at this stage of her development, it is for this reason that she didn’t move beyond this stage. As she was likely to have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded, would have ended up disconnected from her connected, feeling and grounded true self and created a disconnected, unfeeling and inflated false self. Self-Alienation She will then be an adult and a parent, but she will be controlled by her wounded toddler self and her focus will largely be on what is best for her. Naturally, this would have stopped her from being able to truly be there for him during his formative years and provide him with the love that he needed. He would then have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded, with him being forced to lose touch with his connected, true self and creating a disconnected, false self. She will then be developmentally stunted as she was deprived and he will be in the same position. The Difference Nevertheless, while she won’t be aware of how stunted she is and won’t be interested in finding out either, he will be aware of what is going on and will want to change. Taking this into account, it is unlikely that she will ever change as she is not very conscious and is caught up in her own history. What can help him to do what is right for him is for him to imagine that his mother has a ‘higher self’ and that this part of her wants what is best for him. This part of her, unlike the version of her that exists, is evolved and can accept that her son is not her possession and has his own life to lead. Moving Forward By focusing on this and not being completely caught up in what she is like, it will make it easier for her to do what is right for him. If his mother wasn’t deeply wounded and was self-aware, he would be different but even if he wasn’t, she would encourage him to live his own life. She would realise how precious both he and his life is and that he can’t let it pass him by. For him to change his life, it will take courage, patience and persistence. Awareness If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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