If a woman is in a relationship with a man who is emotionally entangled with his mother, she is naturally going to have a strong need for him to change. This is partly because he will spend a lot of time being there for his mother and very little, if any, time being there for his partner.
Thanks to this, the sooner he changes his behaviour, the better their relationship will be. Or, to be more accurate the sooner he changes, the sooner they will be able to have a real relationship.
More to Give
Another part of this is that when he is able to draw the line with his mother, implement boundaries and take care of his own needs, he will have more energy. As a result of this, there will be more of him in addition to him having more to offer.
He won’t need to be running on empty as he will be taking things in as well as giving things to others. As opposed to him being selfish by taking care of his own needs then, he will be able to truly be there for others by being this way.
The woman could have moments when she will imagine what it will be like when her partner is available and how fulfilling this will be. Now, if her partner is willing to face reality and to see what is going on, there is the chance that what she wants will take place with the man that she is with.
The next step will probably be for him to reach out for support and explore why he is the way that he is. Along with this, he is likely to come into contact with a lot of pain that needs to be worked through.
Still, this is not to say that in a few weeks or even months he will be completely available and will be able to truly be there for himself. Progress will be made during this time, providing he puts in the work, but it could take a lot longer than this for him to be transformed.
What will need to be kept in mind is that if he has been this way for as long as he can remember, it is to be expected that it will take time for him to change. The main thing is that he is committed to the process and is willing to keep going, no matter what.
The key will be for him to focus on why he is taking this approach and how it will allow him to live a fulfilling life. It is likely to be painful at times but it will pay off in the long run.
Throughout this time, his partner can be very supportive and give him a lot of encouragement. This is going to have a positive effect on him and make it easier for him to keep going.
A New Beginning
So, as the weeks and months pass by, what she has desired for however long will gradually materialise. She will be with a man who is truly able to be there for her and they will be able to grow together.
If they haven’t already, they may decide that it is time for them to start a family. This is not to say that there won’t be any more hurdles but thanks to what they have already been through, they can believe that they can handle any more that arise.
Alternatively, as the man starts to change, his partner could start to feel very uncomfortable with what is taking place. At this point, she could wonder what is going on and why, after getting closer to what she wants, she doesn’t feel happy.
She may find that part of her wants her partner to return to how to he was before, with this being what feels comfortable. If this is the case, it will show that there was a reason why she ended up with a man who is like this.
On the surface, it will have seemed as though she was fine and her partner was the one with the issues but it won’t be this black and white. Due to what has taken place, she will now have the chance to face her own issues.
During this time, she could find that she doesn’t feel comfortable getting too close to another and for them to see her true self. In addition to this, she can believe that she is unlovable and doesn’t deserve to have her needs met or to be in a loving relationship.
Being with a man who was unavailable, then, would have been a way for her to avoid what was really taking place for her. Focusing on what was taking place externally allowed her to deceive herself into thinking that she was fine and the problem was “out there.”
Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that this was something that she was consciously aware of. This would have been something that was taking place just outside of her awareness; hence why she was unable to see what was going on until now.
As with her partner, she will also have her own childhood wounds to deal with. Now that her partner has started working on his wounds, it will be an opportunity for her to start to work through her own wounds.
If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.