Mother Wounds: Can A Man Be Attracted To Woman Who Will Hurt Him If He Had An Abusive Mother?

Recently, a man may have been in a relationship that had a negative impact on him. The reason for this is that he may have been with a woman who cheated on him once or on a number of occasions.

Then again, the woman may have been very critical, with her often putting him down and humiliating him. Alternatively, the woman might have often accused him of having done things that he hadn’t done.

The End

The relationship might have ended because he arrived at the point where he had had enough and called it a day, or she might have been the one who did this. Either way, he is likely to be relieved that he is n longer with her.

Even so, he can be in a lot of pain and there could be a part of him that has the need to be with her again. If this is the case, he might have contacted her again and tried to rebuild their relationship.

Inner Conflict

This part of him can believe that if they get back together, it will be different and he will no longer be in so much pain. But, the part of him that remembers how dysfunctional the relationship was, will know that it won’t be different and that he will experience another type of pain.

And, if he were to talk to a friend or family member about what is going on for him, they could tell him that it wouldn’t be a good idea for him to try to rekindle the relationship. They could say that he has suffered enough already.

A Pattern

If he was able to listen to the part of him that knows that he is better off not trying to get back with his ex, after a while, he could think about the other women who he has been with over the years. This can be a time when he will remember that he has been with at least one other woman who didn’t treat him very well.

For example, this may have also been a time when he was cheated on, put down, and/or accused of things that he himself hadn’t done. Thanks to what he has been through, he could conclude that women can’t be trusted and that they just want to hurt him.

Another part

If he were to talk about what is going on for him to a friend, this friend could say that this is just what women are like and that they can’t be trusted. They could say that he is better off staying single.

At the same time, they could say that as this has happened to him on more than one occasion, there is a chance that he is replying what it was like for him during his formative years. They could then suggest that he explores what it was like for him as a child and works through his inner wounds.

One Response

Assuming this was to take place, he could say that his early years were not that bad and that what is going on in this area of his life hasn’t got anything to do with this stage of his life. This could be the truth, or it could show that this brain has blocked out what it was really like.

If he is open-minded, he might think about this stage of his life and even ask other family members what it was like. What he might gradually come to see, is that this was a stage of his life when his mother was often cold and very cruel.

Back In Time

For example, she might have often been very critical, made fun of him, ignored him, rejected him and left him. There might have also been moments when she hit him.

Throughout this stage of his life, then, it would have been normal for him to have been emotionally, if not physically, hurt. The woman who was supposed to care, love and protect him was the woman who repeatedly harmed him.

The outcome

Nonetheless, as he was powerless and dependent on her for his survival, he wasn’t able to change her or to find another mother who could love him. Consequently, his brain would have repressed how he felt and a number of his needs.

This would have also involved him losing touch with his connected, true self, and creating a disconnected, false self. This wouldn’t have changed what was going on externally but it would have prevented him from being consciously aware of the pain that he was in.

One Big Struggle

But, although he would have had to lose touch with his need to be loved by his mother, he would have still struggled to be loved by her. This would have also served as a defence that allowed him to avoid having to face how he felt and reality.

Many years will have passed since that stage of his life but a big part of him will still be looking for his mother’s love. This part of him will cause him to be unconsciously pulled to women who are similar to his mother and who will wound him in a similar way in the hope that he will finally be loved.

It’s over

The reason for this is that this part of him is blind and has no sense of time, which is why it can’t accept that another woman is not his mother and that it is too late for him to receive what he missed out on. But, even if another woman could give him what he missed out on and it wasn’t too late, as he is pulled to women who are not very loving, he will still be deprived.

For him to no longer look for the love that he missed out on and be able to receive the love that is available, he is likely to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk