Mother Wounds: Can A Man Be Drawn To Women Who Are Unavailable If He Had A Depriving Mother?

If a man were to step back and reflect on his behaviour, what he may see is that he has the tendency to be attracted to women who are not available. So, this can mean that he has dated and been in a number of relationships with women who were out of reach emotionally.

Along with this, he may have been with a number of women who were in another relationship and were even married. Also, he may have spent a lot of time trying to make women who were not interested in him, interested.

One Conclusion

As a result of this, he can believe that this is just what women are like. Then again, he could believe that he is just unlucky.

If he believes that this is what most women are like, there won’t be a great deal that he can do to change his life. On the other hand, if he believes that he is unlucky, there is a chance that this area of his life will change.

A Bleak Situation

But, putting this to one side for the time being, experiencing life in this way is naturally going to cause him to be deprived. This is because his need to develop a deeper connection with a woman won’t be met.

He might be able to meet his sexual needs, for instance, but his need to be with a woman who is present, attentive and affectionate, for instance, won’t be met. If he was an independent as opposed to an interdependent human being, this wouldn’t matter.

Looking Back

When he is with a woman who is not emotionally available, he can see that this is usually a time when he puts in a lot of effort. He then does a lot for her and buys her a lot, with him hoping that this will cause her to change.

But, no matter what he does when he is in this position, he can find that the outcome is the same. She is out of reach and unable to meet him halfway, which causes him to feel angry, frustrated, and drained.

The Other Stage

When his time with a woman like this comes to an end, he can feel worthless, rejected and even abandoned. The woman that he was with wouldn’t have been right for him but it would have been as though she was right for him.

Thanks to how much pain he is in after, this can be a time when he will try to get back with her. However, even when this does take place, it is unlikely to be any better than it was before.

A Closer Look

To take a step back to him believing that this is just what women are like or him simply being unlucky, what if there is more to it? What if this is not just what women are like and he is not unlucky?

What if there is a part of him that feels comfortable with women that are not available and this is why he continually ends up with women like this? At this point, he could say that this is not true as he wants to be with a woman who is available.

Two Levels

Nonetheless, what he will need to keep in mind is that his conscious mind or his conscious sense of himself is just one part of him. Along with this part, there is his unconscious mind.

Understanding what is going on in this other part of him is what will most likely allow him to see why this area of his life is this way. At this level, he can have the need to recreate what it was like for him as a child.

Back In Time

This may have been a time when his mother was emotionally unavailable and out of reach. Most likely, she was also been brought up by a mother and perhaps a father was emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

She would then have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded during this stage of her life and, as she didn’t deal with her own issues, she was unable to provide her son with the love that he needed to grow and develop in the right way. The outcome of this is that he would have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded.

A Brutal Time

To handle what was going on, his brain would have repressed how he felt and a number of his developmental needs. He would have also developed the belief that if he struggled for his mother’s love, she would finally love him.

But, as she couldn’t love him, it wouldn’t have mattered what he did. Yet, having this belief and the hope that it provided would have served as a defence that stopped him from facing reality.

A Continuation

If he had consciously faced reality, it would have been too much for him to handle. This stage of his life will be over, of course, but deep down, he will still be looking for his mother’s love.

This part of him has no sense of time and is blind, which is why it can’t see that this stage of his life is over and that other women are not his mother. Not only this but, as this part causes him to be drawn to women who are not available, if it wasn’t too late, he would still be deprived.

Drawing the Line

For him to no longer look for what he missed out on and accept that this stage of his life is over, he is likely to have a lot of pain to face and work through, among other things. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk