Mother Wounds: Can A Man Feel Comfortable Being Treated Badly By Women If His Mother Was Abusive?

If a man was to look back on his life, he may see that he has been with a number of women who didn’t treat him very well. This could show that he has been in a number of abusive relationships.

Now, if he were to think about one of these relationships, he might end up feeling angry and very low. This could take place after he has thought about some of the things that took place.

For Example

He might have often been criticised by her, with there being certain parts of him that she chose to undermine. Additionally, there may have been moments when she got violent, with her throwing things at him.

It might have gone further than this, though, as she might have slapped and/or hit him. Therefore, his time with her wouldn’t have strengthened or elevated him; it would have weakened and knocked him down.

Another Part

When this first started to happen, he might have stood up for himself but as time passed, he might have simply put up with it. Then again, he might have been this way right from the beginning.

He might have stayed with her for a number of weeks, months or even years. At this point, he could wonder why it took him so long to cut his ties with a woman who wasn’t right for him.

A Strange Scenario

Additionally, he could wonder why he has been with a number of women who were like this. When it comes to the former, he could believe that there is something wrong with him, and, when it comes to the latter, he could believe that he is just unlucky.

However, if he were to explore his early years, he might gradually see why he put up with what was going on and why he has been with a number of women who were like this. Initially, he might not be able to remember a great deal about this stage of his life.

Another Outcome

Then again, he might say that this stage of his life wasn’t that bad and that he was given what he needed, or something similar. Yet, even if he does say that it doesn’t mean that it is an accurate assessment.

The reason for this is that his brain may have blocked out what took place and caused him to have a lopsided view of this stage of his life. This will have taken place to protect him, not harm him.

Back In Time

Throughout his early years, his mother might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach. Along with this, she might have been very critical and verbally and physically abusive.

A stage of his life, then, that should have built him up and prepared him for the world, would have greatly undermined him and set him up to suffer. As for his father, he himself might have been very passive, lacked backbone and enabled what was going on.

A Brutal Time

As a result of what took place, he would have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded. To handle being deprived and the pain that this caused him, his brain would have repressed how he felt and a number of his needs.

The connection that he had to his connected and embodied, true self would have been replaced with a disconnected and disembodied, false self. Part of this false self would have involved him doing what he could to please his mother and receive her love.

Taken To Heart

As he was egocentric, he would have lived in the hope that, if he struggled, he would finally be loved by her. He was then the bad one and she was the good one and, by becoming good, he would receive what he needed.

Responding in this way would have played a part in keeping his pain at bay. The trouble is that as his mother was probably unable to love him and she herself had also been deprived as a child, it wouldn’t have mattered what he did.

Another Element

It was then not that he was worthless or unlovable, or that he deserved to be treated badly; no, it was that he was brought up by a mother and perhaps a father who were deeply wounded. And, at first, when he did stand up for himself, he might have been made to feel that he was doing something wrong.

Also, he might have been threatened, hit and/or isolated from others. This would have conditioned him to believe that if he embraced his aggression and did stand up for himself, his survival would be under threat.

The Truth

Taking this into account, it is not a surprise that he has been with a number of women who didn’t treat him very well and he didn’t stand up for himself. For him to move forward, he is likely to have beliefs to question and pain to face and work through.

This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk