Mother Wounds: Can A Man Feel Inferior To Women If He Had An Abusive Mother?

If a man is in a relationship with a woman, he could spend a lot of time trying to please her. As a result, he will be focused on her needs and will do what he can to meet them.

The outcome of this is that he won’t be connected to a number of his own needs and will neglect himself. Due to how he is behaving, he is likely to end up feeling exhausted and resentful as time passes.

Out of Balance

Not only this, the woman that he is with might end up losing the attraction that she has for him. The reason for this is that he will be acting as though he is an extension of her as opposed to an individual.

However, if he does become exhausted and resentful, it doesn’t mean that he will be able to change his behaviour. He could still feel compelled to behave in the same way, which will wear him down even more.

Stepping Back

Now, if he were to talk to a friend about what he is going through, they could say that he is out of balance. They could tell him that he is not an extension of her; he is a separate human being who also has needs.

After this, he might agree with them but say that he doesn’t choose to behave in this way; it just happens. If so, his friend could encourage him to look deeper into why he is behaving in this way.

A Closer Look

If he were to sit with himself and explore what is going on for him, he could find that he fears that she will leave him if he doesn’t focus on her and, instead, freely expresses himself. He will then have to continue to turn his back on himself in order to keep her around.

What might also enter his mind is that if she does leave him, he won’t find another woman to be with. This could show that this is the first woman that he has been with, or this might not be the case.

Going Deeper

Based on what is going on for him, it is likely to show that he is not in touch with his own value or lovability. He will then only be with the woman that he is with because he got ‘lucky’ or happened to be in the right place at the right time, for instance, not because he deserves to be with her.

If he were to think about this, what might enter his mind is that he is less than the woman that he is with. Then again, it could go further than this as he could see himself being less than women.

The Outcome

After he has thought about this, he could go back to behaving in the same way but it might not be long until she breaks up with him. If this does take place, he could be in a very bad way.

Nevertheless, as difficult as it may be, what has happened could be a blessing in disguise. That is, of course, if he changes what is going on for him internally and is able to activate his inner worth and lovability.

One Direction

If he has become aware of how he doesn’t feel valuable or lovable or believes that he is not enough for a woman and believes that he is less than a woman, he could wonder why this is. What might enter his mind is that he was simply born his way.

Yet, even if he does come to this conclusion, it doesn’t mean that it is the truth. There is a chance that the experiences that he had during his formative years are the main reason why he is experiencing life in this way.

Back In Time

At this stage of his life, he needed a mother who was attentive, loving and supportive. But, while this is what he needed to be able to grow and develop in the right way, he might have had a mother who was anything but nurturing.

Along with his mother being emotionally unavailable and out of reach, she might have been verbally and even physically abusive. He then wouldn’t have been treated as though he was valuable and lovable; he would have been treated as though he was nothing.

The Impact This Had

Being treated in this way would have caused him to be greatly deprived and deeply wounded. To handle what happened, his brain would have repressed how he felt and a number of his needs.

While this wouldn’t have changed his mother, it would have stopped him from being consciously aware of the pain that he was in. There would have also been the meaning that his underdeveloped brain made.

Another Element

As he was egocentric, he would have come to believe that his needs and feelings were bad and that he was worthless and unlovable. He would have also developed the view that he wasn’t enough.

And, although how his mother behaved wasn’t a reflection of what all women were like, it wouldn’t have mattered. How she behaved would have largely defined his inner model of what women are like – the particular would then have become the general.

The Truth

Most likely, his mother wasn’t able to love him because she herself hadn’t been loved during her formative years. It was then not that there was anything wrong with him; it was just that she was too wounded and underdeveloped to provide him with what he needed.

With this in mind, for him to change this area of his life, he will need to let go of the inaccurate view that he has of himself and work through his inner wounds. To do this, he will have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through and unmet developmental, needs to experience.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.  

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk