Mother Wounds: Can A Man Feel Invisible If He Had An Unavailable Mother?

If a man were to take a step back and reflect on his life, what he may find is that he often feels unseen and unheard and as though he doesn’t even exist. He is then going to have a physical body and be able to be seen by others but he will seldom feel seen.

If he were to take a closer look at why this is, he could find that he is often ignored and overlooked when he is at work. Additionally, this could be what it is generally like for him when it comes to his love life.

A Miserable Existence

What this can mean is that he hasn’t been able to make much progress when it comes to this area of his life. He might not have been in a relationship before, or he might have been in one but this might not have been very fulfilling.

If he has been in at least one relationship, this might have been a time when he didn’t feel valued or loved. His girlfriend might have often disregarded his needs and feelings, with him often feeling ignored as a result.

Another Scenario

Along with this, he might have dated a number of women and had the same experience. When he first met the women, he might have felt seen and heard but this might have soon changed.

The outcome of this is that he is likely to have ended up feeling rejected and helpless and hopeless. And, once their time together came to an end, he might have ended up falling into a very deep hole.

One Consequence

Thanks to the experiences that he has had, he might have decided to turn his back on this area of his life. By doing this, he won’t have to open himself up and be treated badly.

However, if he has decided to go down this path, a number of his needs will not be met. The needs that he would meet if he was with a woman such as his need for companionship, affection and sex, for instance, won’t be met.

No Choice

But, based on the experiences that he has had, he can believe that if he does let a woman into his life he is just going to be undermined. Therefore, while he will miss out on a lot of ‘good’ by keeping his distance, he will also miss out on a lot of ‘bad’.

The ‘good’ that he experiences by letting a woman in won’t be worth the ‘bad’ that goes with it. Taking into account the experiences that he has had and how he has suffered in this area of his life, it is not a surprise if he has this outlook.

Nowhere to Run

But, if the experience he has at work and even when he is around friends is very similar to how it is for him when he is with a woman, turning his back on this area of his life is not going to be enough. There will still be other areas of his life that are not serving him.

If he were to think about this, he might wonder why so many areas of his life are this way and why he generally doesn’t feel seen and heard. He could find that he has been this for as long as he can remember.

What’s going on?

What this can illustrate is that what is going on for him as an adult is a continuation of how it was for him during his formative years. This may have been a time when he was brought up by a mother and perhaps a father who were emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

Due to this, it would have been normal for him to be ignored, rejected and even left. Being treated in this way would have caused him to feel helpless, hopeless, worthless, unwanted and powerless.

A Big Impact

Not receiving the attunement and love that he needed would have prevented him from developing a strong sense of self. To handle the lack of love that was on offer, he would have had to lose touch with his true self and create a disconnected false self.

This would have involved him losing touch with a number of his needs and feelings and leaving his body. How he was treated wasn’t his fault and was most likely a sign that his mother and perhaps his father had also been deprived during their formative years and couldn’t love him.

Taken To Heart

Even so, as he was egocentric, he would have personalised what took place. He would have come to believe that he was worthless and unlovable and that his needs and feelings were bad.

Furthermore, as he was seldom seen and heard, he would have come to believe that he was invisible. Another part of him would have also come to fear being seen and heard, which would have given him the need to hide himself.

The Truth

Ultimately, how he was treated had nothing to do with him; it was a reflection of how wounded his mother and perhaps his father were likely to have been. For him to be in his body, connected to his needs and feelings, and feel comfortable being seen, he is likely to have a lot of inner work to do.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk