Mother Wounds: Can A Man Feel Uncomfortable Being Treated Well By Women If He Had An Abusive Mother?

What a man may see is that when he is treated well by a woman, he ends up feeling uncomfortable. As a result of this, he can wonder why he is unable to feel at ease when this takes place.

So, if he were to think about when he last dated a woman or was in a relationship with a woman who treated him well, he could find that he felt that something wasn’t right. He might have soon thought about how she had an ulterior motive.

A Hidden Agenda

If so, she wouldn’t have treated him well because she wanted to; it was because she was trying to get something from him. Her behaviour was then a means to an end, as opposed to a reflection of how she truly felt toward him.  

As a result of this, he might have soon formed a negative of her and this, over time, might have ended up pushing her away. What may have played a part in this is that he might have accused her of things that she hadn’t done and wasn’t doing.

The Evidence

If this was the case, she might have ended up doing things to get back at him. This would then have given him a reason to believe that she was trying to manipulate him and wasn’t acting in a way that was genuine.  

He is then likely to have responded negatively and what they had built over time would have fallen apart. The outcome of this is that the good that he had in this area of his life would have come to an end.

A Pattern

After thinking about what happened the last time he was with a woman, he could think about how similar it was the time before. He could then wonder why he gets suspicious when a woman treats him well.

However, it might have taken him a while to arrive at this point as he might have believed that all women were out to take advantage of and undermine men. What may have played a part in why he had this outlook were videos that he had viewed online.

Two Sides

After viewing this material for weeks, months or even years, he might have been fully convinced that women were his enemies. He then had to keep his distance form women or he had to keep his guard if he got close to a woman.

But, after a while, might have occurred to him is that while having this outlook gave him the sense that he knew what was going on, to feel protected and even feel superior, it wasn’t allowing him to meet his needs. Instead, it was just making him angry, bitter, resentful, and feel lonely and isolated.

What’s going on?

Now, irrespective of whether he actually went down this path, after thinking about why he is this way, his mind could go blank. It could then be as if there is no reason for him to be this way.

Nonetheless, for him to gain a deeper understand why he is this way, it will be a good idea for him to use his imagination. What he can do is imagine that he meets a woman who treats him well and she continues to treat him well as time passes.

The Next Part

At first, part of him might feel good and then he can soon experience doubt and feel a sense of distrust. He can then have the need to keep his distance and be on the lookout for when something bad happens.

If he were to think about when he first felt this way, he might not be able to remember. But, if he were to think about what his early years were like, he might gradually remember.

Back In Time

During this stage of his life, his mother might have been anything but nurturing, with her being emotionally unavailable and verbally and perhaps physically abusive. This would have stopped him from being able to securely attach to and bond with her.

Furthermore, in addition to her being out of reach and abusive, she might have often been nice one moment and cruel the next. Also, she might have typically only given him things in order to make him do things for her.

Taken To Heart

As he missed out on the love that he needed to grow and develop in the right way, he would have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded. To handle what took place, his brain would have repressed how he felt and a number of his needs.

Additionally, as he was egocentric, he would have personalised what took place. It was then not that his mother couldn’t give him the love that he needed and was probably a deeply wounded human being; no it was that his needs and feelings were bad and he was worthless and unlovable.

An Inaccurate Assessment

The other part of this is that even though his mother couldn’t be trusted and it was right for him to be suspicious of her, how she behaved would have largely formed his view of women. Consequently, how one woman behaved – a woman who was not in a good way - was seen as a reflection of how all women would behave.

The outcome of this is that when he is with a woman, he will unconsciously project the mother that he had into her, which will prevent him from seeing her clearly. Due to this, the woman won’t be his mother and he won’t be a boy but he won’t be aware of this deep down and his conscious mind won’t be aware of what is going on either.

Moving Forward

For him to change this area of his life and be able to receive a woman’s love, he will have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.  

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk