Mother Wounds: Can A Man Hate Women If He Had A Mother Who Hated Him?

If a man were to step back and reflect on his life, what might enter his mind is that he doesn’t have a very positive view of women. He could then think about how this is because he has had many experiences with them that haven’t been very positive.

So, when it comes to the experiences that he has had, he might have been in a number of relationships that were abusive. During this time, he might have often been criticised, humiliated and even physically harmed.

Two Parts

There would then have been how he felt when he was with a woman and there will be how he felt after. When he was with her, he may have often felt angry and frustrated, and helpless and hopeless.

He might have lost interest in doing some of the things that he enjoyed doing before and become a shadow of his former self. This might then have stopped him from being able to cut his ties with her, which would have caused him to put up with what was going on.

The other Side

Once he was able to break away from her, it might have taken him a number of weeks or months to be able to find his feet again. This might have been a time when he felt worthless and may have even contemplated ending his own life.

What might have played a part in how he felt, in addition to what he had been through, is that part of him might have yearned for her. He would then have cut his ties with a woman who wasn’t good for him but this part of him would have wanted to be with her.

His outlook

Thanks to what he has been through, a big part of him could hate women and even want to experience revenge. Yet, based on the experience that he has had, this is not going to be a surprise.

However, another part of him could feel ashamed of this part and he could have the tendency to deny this part of him. The trouble with this is that not embracing this part of him and the power that it provides, will cause him to be passive, overly tolerant and to put up with abusive behaviour.

Defenceless

What this comes down to is that the hate and the desire to experience revenge are coming from his survival instinct. So, by not embracing these parts of him, he is not going to be able to defend himself.

This is not to say, of course, that he should mistreat every woman that he sees simply because of the experiences he has had with women. What it is about is him reclaiming his power, so that he can stand his ground and is no longer walked over.

A Struggle

One way of looking at this would be to say that this is just what women are like or that he just happens to end up with women who are abusive. If so, he won’t be able to a great deal about what is going on.

He will be able to reconnect to his power but he will still end up with women who will undermine him. As a result, this area of his life will continue to be a battle and a source of pain.

Another Angle

Nonetheless, what if he doesn’t just happen to end up with women like this and this is not what all women are like? What if he is playing a part in why this area of his life is this way?

At this point, he could say that this is not true as he doesn’t want to be with a woman who is like this. What he will need to think about at this stage is that there are two parts of him; one part is conscious mind, and the other is unconscious.

Going Deeper

With this in mind, as the experiences that he has in this area of his life don’t reflect what he wants at a conscious level, it is likely to show that this other, hidden part of him wants something else. This other part of him can want to be with a woman who is abusive, in the hope that he can make her into someone who is the opposite.

The reason for this is that this other part of him can be looking for the love that he missed out on during his formative years. This part of him by not having a sense of time and being blind won’t be able to see that another woman is not his mother.

The Same Story

During his formative years, he may have had a mother who was anything but loving, with him often being mistreated by her. He might have often been put down, humiliated, physically harmed and isolated.

This would have stopped him from being able to bond with her and receive the emotional nutrients that he needed to grow and develop in the right way. Instead, he would have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded.

A Brutal Time

Feeling scared, terrified, fearful, worthless, rejected, unwanted and unlovable is likely to have been normal. Furthermore, as he was being violated, he is likely to have often experienced anger, rage and hate.

But, as he was powerless and dependent on his mother, his brain would have repressed how he felt and a number of his needs. Another part of what would have allowed him to handle what was going on was seeing his mother as good and himself as bad and living in the hope – the false hope - that if he struggled, she would love him.

A Continuation

Many years will have passed, but as this other part of him has no sense of time and is blind, it will believe that if it continues to struggle, it will finally be loved. And, as another woman will represent his mother, and thus, be seen as someone who is in control of his survival, it is to be expected that he won’t feel safe enough to be assertive and express how he feels.

For this to change, he is likely to have beliefs to question and pain to face and work through. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk