Mother Wounds: Can A Man Have A Negative View Of Women If His Mother Was Abusive?

If a man were to step back and reflect on how he sees women, he could find that he doesn’t have a positive view of them. So, he could see them as being out of reach, cold, critical and emotionally unstable.

This can show that, over the years, he has been with a number of women who were like this. If this is the case, most, if not all, of the experiences that he has had with them won’t have been very life-affirming.

A Recent occurrence

There is a chance that he was with a woman like this not too long ago, which is likely to mean that he is still recovering from what he went through. If this is so, he can often feel low and find it hard to do anything.

But, as he will have been with a woman who undermined him in a variety of ways, this is not going to be a surprise. It is then going to take a little while before he is back on his feet, so to speak.

One Outcome

Due to what he has been through, he might have even come to the conclusion that it is best for him to stay single. This is likely to be seen as the best way for him to longer suffer in this area of his life.

The trouble is that if he does make this decision, it is unlikely that he will be able to stick to it. This is because he will have the need to connect to a woman and, thus, before long, this need is likely to cause him to reach out to a woman.

Stepping Back

Now, if he were to talk to a male friend about what he is going through, he could be told that this is just what women are like. This is likely to show that his friend has also had the same experiences.

After this, his friend could say that it is best for him to stay single as this will stop him from being mistreated. He might even suggest that he just has casual encounters or only dates.

Looking Deeper

Then again, after sharing what is going on for him with a male friend, he could be told that it is unlikely that he is randomly having these experiences. Instead, his friend could say that what is going on externally is a reflection of what is going on for him internally.

After hearing this, he could disagree with what he hears and say that he doesn’t want to be with a woman who undermines him. Still, his friend could encourage him to look deeper into what is going on in this area of his life.

A Closer Look

If he were encouraged to look deeper, he could end up thinking about his early years. At first, he might believe that this stage of his life wasn’t that bad and that his mother loved him.

However, after a while, he might see that this stage of his life wasn’t very nurturing and that his mother generally didn’t treat him very well. As for his father, he might not have been around, or he might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

A Brutal Time

Throughout this stage of his life, his mother might have been emotionally unavailable and abusive. This would have meant that it wasn’t possible for him to attach to her and he would have regularly been undermined by her.

Not receiving the emotional nutrients that he needed would have caused him to be greatly deprived and deeply wounded. Yet, as he was powerless and dependent, he wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what happened.

One Option

To handle what happened, his brain would have repressed how he felt and a number of his needs. This wouldn’t have changed what was going on, of course, but it would have stopped him from being consciously aware of the pain he was in and allowed him to keep it together and function.

Along with this, he would have come to believe that his needs and feelings were bad and that he was worthless and unlovable. He would have also come to believe that this was just what women were like, with his mother being seen as a reflection of all women.

Another Part

And, although this stage of his life will be over, a big part of him is still likely to be looking for the love that he missed out on. This part of him will cause him to unconsciously create situations with women that are very similar to how it was with his mother, in the hope of finally being loved by her.

What this illustrates is that this part of him has no sense of time and is blind, with this being the reason why it can’t accept that this stage of his life is over and that another woman is not his mother. For him to change his life, he is likely to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk